My Black Son

Hey all, I'm back. Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've been pretty busy (read: lazy).

So I don't know how many of you actually watch Family Guy on Sundays, but this weeks' episode was pretty good. You have just to love everything that comes out of Peter's head. Without further ado, here's My Black Son, a great spoof that practically channels half the sitcoms ever produced in the 80s.



This clip got me thinking, why exactly was watching the adventures of a white family and their black kid so appealing? I think, nay hope, the meeting that gave the green-light to this type of show went something like this:

Head Exec: Ok troops, we need a new, hip TV show, and we need it fast. Any ideas?
Exec 1: How about a small-town family trying to make it in the big city?
Head Exec: It's been done.
Exec 2: How about Teenagers, but get this, they're in love!
Head Exec: Wow, that was uninspired. Next!
Exec 3: The adventures of a guy who just learned he has a long-lost son.
Head Exec: ...
Exec 3: Did I mention the kid is black?
Head Exec: Holy shit that's brilliant! Sheila, get me the president of the network.
Exec 4: Wait, um, sir. I have an idea.
Head Exec: *sigh* Fine Johnson, go ahead.
Johnson: Imagine, if you will, a walking carpet that teaches a family to love through his zany antics.
Head Exec: ...
Johnson: Uhh, did I mention the carpet is from space?
Head Exec: Brilliant!

Yup. Just like that. Truly inspired, this one is.

Wowwee! It's Spider-Sapien

Cool, huh?

This Makes Me Sad

Really, really sad.

This, my friends, is true dedication to ones hobby. Do you see how many systems this guy has? It's absolutely mind boggling. First of all, the amount of money it took to acquire all these systems must have been astronomical. Second, I think I'm actually jealous. But then again, I wonder if the owner of this impressive gaming set-up even knows what the sky looks like.

And I hope he got the Wii he wanted, cause I'm having a heck of a time finding one. Although there seems to be an abundance of PS3s... and he doesn't seem to want one... hmm, interesting...

In other news, just to show that Apple will eventually take over the world, check out the iHome.


Now while this isn't an official Apple product, this is the epitome of dedication to a brand name.

And to think I actually wanted to buy a Zune.

Manliness

You know, I was going to post something deep and meaningful about stupid people, but I decided to go with this instead. It's got to be the manliest video I have ever seen.

Every punch Rocky has ever taken through Rocky V

We love you Rocky!!!

Bod by Zod

Even your Superman cannot save you from the rippling abs and tight buns produced by the Bod by Zod workout.

KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

I Want an iBoy

Is that not the coolest thing you have ever seen? I have an oldschool Gameboy somewhere around the house. If someone is willing to donate a 60 gig iPod I'll gladly use it to make one for myself.

And if anyone is brave enough to try it for themselves, here's a flickr photoset describing the process.

For All Who Burn When They Crusade

Here's an awesome Coke commercial I found from Japan.



I fucking love Japan. You just can't find this stuff in the States. Seriously, do you ever think Coke would use World of Warcraft to advertise their product? I didn't think so.

Funny thing is, I didn't think people in Japan actually played WoW, at least not legitimate players, but as gold farmers for "legitimate" players in the US. Or am I thinking about the Chinese?

Long Live the Crack Spider

Thanks to a gnat friend of mine, I sound this awesome video.



Enjoy.

Five Minutes to Midnight

For those of you that don't pay attention to the news, I thought it was important to note that CNN recently reported the Doomsday Clock has been set to *gasp* five minutes to midnight. Just to add to the reality of the situation, I'd like to say I've already crapped my pants... twice.


See. Scary.

So inter-galactic super pimp Stephen Hawking and his Science Squadron have decided humanity has failed (yet again) to successfully contain the threat of nuclear war. Some might say it's because we have the bomb. I just blame North Korea (good job ya sons o' bitches!).

We have also apparently failed make electric cars conventional and control the weather to do our bidding, thus environmental concerns have been added to the equation. Sure, it's easy to blame our gas-guzzling cars. I say it's easier to blame Al Gore (he did invent Global Warming after all). But seriously, can't we just nuke the weather, it would make things easier.

In reality folks, I don't see anyone accurately being able to predict the end of the world. The Bible couldn't do it, Nostradamus couldn't do it, and I'm pretty sure the boys at the University of Chicago can't do it. Tough break fellas.

As you can see, I'm really concerned about the end of the world...

I just hope no one tries to peg all the blame on me.

I Really (blank) Sony

Sticking to my previous theme, I have to say that I really hate this commercial.



I just think it fails on so many levels. Why would Sony advertise a portable gaming system without showcasing the games? Then they use these ultra-hip entities to convey the need to own one of these devices. I have to buy one now, because if my (nonexistent) girlfriend one day decides to do something mysterious/romantic, I'm more than sure she's going to reach for a PSP and utilize it for her sexy game of cat and mouse.

Sure, there's the argument that I should get a PSP because it can do so much more than play games. And it's true. It can play movies on a format that's quickly becoming defunct. And after a string of crappy games, one of the biggest draws is the ability to load SNES and Genesis emulators onto the memory stick. Yes, that makes me want to give Sony $250.

But on a different note, Sony has made some really awesome commercials in the past.



Sadly, that monkey passed away a few days ago at the ripe old age of 29. But it doesn't hurt to remember him, because the brilliance behind this commercial is that it subtly shows the viewer why you might want a Walkman forcing "cool" down the viewer's throat.

Best. Commercial. EVER.

So I'm up around 4 o'clock Monday morning fulfilling my fanboy fantasies (thank you Betty Badass) and I came across the best commercial I have ever seen. Thank you Bruce Campbell. And thank you Old Spice for giving me Bruce Campbell on my TV.



Hail to the King Baby!

Poor Kids...

Obviously I wasn't able to attend the spectacle that is CES 2007 (if I did, I definitely wouldn't waste my time talking about random super-heroes and their lame powers). But thanks to the internet and the magical device known as a digital camera, I've been able to enjoy the show at home. In my perusing of the internet, I came across this picture.


All I have to say is, poor kids. It's obvious that any anti-stroller decree is also an anti-children decree, so that sucks for parents and their loved ones. But I do understand the necessity to limit the amount of running and screaming children (as if you'd actually be able to hear their screams on the show floor). It's their reasoning that escapes me. How many kids have actually been walloped by the briefcases of speed-walking business men?

It reminds me of this sign.


I would kill to know how many times people in wheelchairs have rolled down that hill only to eaten by an alligator. Sadly, I bet it's more often than not. People can be pretty dumb most of the time...

Ahhh... Perfection

Just a quick note friends, I seem to have perfected my Lightsabering via Photoshop. Scroll down to see my previous try.



Enjoy!

God Damn Wonder Twins

I know I've touched on this subject before, but I really really hate the Wonder Twins. Just look at them!!! I know they're a product of the 1970's, but honestly, did anyone ever think they were cool?


C'mon now, seriously, purple jumpsuits?!? Or maybe they're speed suits (I'll be happy if you get that reference).

And their powers, oh God their powers. The female wonder twin has a cool power, in theory. In execution, it absolutely sucks. How effective is a useless-looking camel, or a smiling polar bear? If you're going to turn into a bear, at least maul someone, don't just stand their looking stupid. And the male wonder twin. His power is just plain useless. "Ooh, look at me. Form of bucket of water." Scary! A sponge could kick his ass, and it doesn't even have to be an evil sponge!

Oh well, I found this cool picture. Finally Gleek is doing something cool.


And you see the Twins on the left? Yea, I went there.

Ice Breath? WTF?!?

I like Superman. I like his powers. I like his look. And when he's written well, I really like his stories. But one thing I've never quite understood is his "super ice breath." I get his heat vision. It's easy to understand that when he gets really pissed, he shoots hot red out of his eyes.


See. That is one pissed off Kryptonian.

But who the hell are you supposed to fight with ice breath? I mean, you can only fight water monsters so often. Not only that, where the hell do you find water monsters in the first place. And if they are made of water, I'm pretty sure the heat vision will take care of it (thank God for evaporation).

Overall, I think ice breath is stupid. That, and Captain Cold.


What a tool.

I Am Such A Geek

As a matter of fact, I think huge may be too small a word to encompass the magnitude of "geek"-titude (ha, that kinda rhymes). But Seriously folks, being able to transform this



Into this



Has made me extremely happy. Like, happy... in my pants. I'll let that sink in.

Scratch that, did I say I'm a geek, cause what I really meant was I'm fucking awesome.

Good Job NASA

I'm watching the news today and there's a report about a NASA scientist claiming there may have been life on Mars. Now this in itself isn't really shocking, as many people believed that there was life on Mars millions of years ago. What made this particular report interesting was that the supposed "Martians" actually went extinct thirty years ago. *GASP*

Apparently, when a mars probe landed thirty years ago, it found life... and then inadvertently killed it. That's just awesome. We mere humans managed to annihilate an entire planet using our inferior technology. I might even go as far to say that we kicked Martian ass. Just for my own sake, I really hope it went down like this:

Earth: 1, Space: 0 - And boom goes the dynamite...

Merry Belated Christmas From Marvel

In all honesty, I'm really posting this for myself because I know there might be only one other person besides me who would get a kick out of this (one if I'm lucky). It's a Christmas song performed by Marvel's Editor-in-Chief Joe Quesada along with others on the editorial staff. Enjoy.

THIS SONG IS 2 WEEKS LATE
Words and Music Joe Quesada ©2007
Additional words, the Merry Marvel Marching Society

Bring on the French Revolution

They often say that we should learn history because those who don't are doomed to repeat it. That's why I spent the better part of today fighting the French Revolution. Irony is, I didn't learn anything. That's why I'll be re-fighting the French Revolution for the better part of tomorrow. If you're in the Sugar Land area, I'll be at the field across from the Best Buy around noon. Please join me if you're up for it. It's bound to be loads of fun.*



*I really won't be there at noon, so don't bother going. Hell, I'll be surprised if I'm up at noon...

Coming to the Justice League of America

As I was perusing videos on youtube, I came across this awesome video. I think any fans of Justice League Unlimited or Coming to America will surely enjoy this clip.

You Know What Really Hurts?

Getting your ass kicked. And I don't mean getting beat up. I mean literally having some kick you square in the ass. It's quite painful.

Seriously.

Ow.

Obey Your Thirst

We live in a society where one can easily use their celebrity (or pseudo-celebrity) status to help some company hawk their cheesy wares by appearing in some sort of commercial advertisement. Usually this is the result of some desperate attempt by the company to increase the interest of the certain demographic. But sometimes the blame for such an occasion can be placed merely on a lapse of judgment on the behalf of the individual starring in the ad.



Seriously, I didn't see this one coming.

So the next time you take a sip of an ice-cold, refreshing, lemony-lime Sprite, I hope you choke (insert dramatic pause here) just a little bit.

God I Love India

In the past couple months, I've been introduced to "Golimar" (Indian Thriller to you and me) and this Indian Midget, who, according to my expert opinion, must have pimpness shooting out of his asshole. Thanks to the internet and my love of it's use, I stumbled upon this little gem.



That's right, Indian Superman.

Honestly, I don't even know what to say. I guess you can say it starts out normally,. Superman is flying through the city with a girl in his arms, nothing strange about that. When we think of Superman, we all have images of Christopher Reeve flying through Metropolis with Margot Kidder.

At least that's how I remember it. Ok, whatever, back to Indian Superman. So he's flying through the city with some girl. Problem is, instead of wearing a business suit or Clark Kent's shirt ala Superman II, Indian Lois Lane is sporting a Spider-Man costume. WHY THE HELL IS SHE WEARING A SPIDER-MAN COSTUME!!! Honestly, it doesn't even make sense. My geek side is screaming 1) Spider-Man is not a girl, and 2) they aren't even from the same universe. Superman is DC, Spider-Man is Marvel, end of story. Obviously, I think the latter is more important than the former (if Indian Superman is gay, that's his business, not mine).

I guess that's the only thing that really grinds my gears. I could talk about their dance* that takes place in the middle of the sky, but the video was filmed in India, everyone dances in India. Seriously, dancing in a Bollywood movie is like a rite of passage in their culture.

I would like to give them some props though. They used a pretty slick movie-making technique (at least for the 1980s) to avoid thick black lines appearing around the actors when in front of a green screen. It worked Empire**, so I guess they thought it could work here. Too bad they thought wrong. I'm pretty sure Superman isn't wearing magical underoos, allowing to the viewers to get a crotch-eye view of Metropolis.

Oh well, enjoy the video, it's actually so bad it's good.


*Check out the 1 minute mark if you want to see some sick moves.
** For those of you that don't know, George Lucas lowered to opacity of some of the shots in The Empire Strikes Back to make it less apparent that he was filming in front of a green screen, resulting in at least one see-thru snow speeder cockpit

Happy New Years!