This Week In Comics: Feb. 21, 2007

Amazing Spider-Man #538
Writer: J. Michael Straczynski
Artist: Ron Garney

"The War at Home" finally comes to an end, and it sure does end with a bang! Well, not really.

I wish I could honestly say that this issue was the perfect ending to this story arc, but frankly, it wasn't. While I understand that the events portrayed on the last page will greatly impact Peter's life, I feel that it could have been handled better. ASM #537 ended with a cliffhanger, which was fine for that issue. But to have another issue, the final issue of the arc, end in a cliffhanger just doesn't sit well with me.

With that out of the way, I can get to where JMS truly succeeds. This issue acts as a perfect companion piece to the ending of Civil War. In an excellent soliloquy, we get a chance to see how Peter feels about the recent events, and JMS doesn't disappoint. Now on the the art side of things, Garney is doing a sufficient job, but there is something about the art that I find distracting. I can't really but my finger on it, but this isn't going to stop me from continuing with this series, especially since "Back in Black" has officially kicked off.

Civil War #7
Writer: Mark Millar
Artist: Steve McNiven

Well, the end is finally here. After ten long months, the long awaited finale to Civil War has been shipped.

This issue might not be what a majority of fans are expecting. While there is fighting, and McNiven does make it look incredible, some may be disappointed in what may seem to be a tame ending. This is not a problem for me. After sticking with this series, I don't think Millar could have crafted a more suitable ending without compromising that the nature of the characters involved. This ending works because it's believable. Some may find the ending to be too sappy, but I think it's refreshing to see an optimistic future looming ahead.

As I said before, McNiven's art plays just as big a role as the characters in the story. Seeing characters like Spider-Man bouncing around and completely kicking ass in front of the beautiful backgrounds is a joy to behold.

I really enjoyed this series. While delays and over-hyping have plagued Civil War, this really is one of the best events I have ever read. Mark Millar and company really crafted a well written story that will have impact on future books in the Marvel Universe for years to come. But when all is said and done, the ball is in Marvel's court. They can either produce follow-up books that honor the ideals instilled by this series, or it can resort to a return to the status quo, cheapening the impact of these seven issues. Personally, I can't wait to see what Marvel has in store for us, because if it's anything like Civil War, it's going to be phenomenal.

Immortal Iron Fist #3
Writers: Ed Brubaker & Matt Fraction
Artist: David Aja

This series is amazing, especially considering that Iron Fist was practically a C-list character since he was created in the 70s. But Brubaker and Fraction have managed to turn Iron Fist into one of the most interesting characters in the Marvel Universe. This book isn't dealing with any world changing events, or grandiose plots, but that doesn't mean this isn't an excellent read.

There are essentially two major plots in this series: the legacy of the Iron Fist, and the story of Danny dealing with the future of his father's company, the threat of Hydra, and the man who trained his father. These two plots are slowly becoming intertwined, mixing in a very interesting way. While this book is in no way necessary to understand the future of the MU, add this one to your pull list, you won't be disappointed.

New Avengers Illuminati #2
Writers: Brian Michael Bendis & Brian Reed
Artist: Jim Cheung

Simply amazing. Instead of writing a book that focuses on the here and now, Bendis and Reed take the opportunity to tell the story of how six of the most important men in the Marvel Universe have impacted six events. With a focus on Mr. Fantastic, Iron Man, Professor X, Dr. Strange, the Sub-Mariner, and Black Bolt, you would think that these men could do no wrong, but they make mistakes, and more importantly, actually seem human.

The action is there, but the attitude of these men is what sells the story, along with the dialogue and witty banter. It's fun to see Namor, one of the biggest pricks in the MU, actually scared of the ramifications of having the Infinity Gems. We also see some great character moments, my favorite being the Thing and Torch's reactions to Reed's "zany" experiment.

Punisher War Journal #4
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Mike Deodato, Jr.

The Punisher is back in the Marvel Universe, and he has been missed.

After Stilt-Man was aced by the Punisher back in issue 1, his friends decide to gather in his honor, reminiscing about the "good ol' days," where good guys were good guys, bad guys were bad guys, and most importantly, it was all about "good, clean fun." We get to see a huge number of "classic" villains, trading war stories in honor of their fallen comrade.

I thought this book was absolutely hilarious. The laughs start early on and they don't let up until the explosive ending. Here we get to see the Punisher that we know and love in action and trust me, it's just as cold-blooded as you would expect. I was worried that this series would fail in the wake of Civil War, but it hasn't, and hopefully, Fraction keeps up the pace. Deodato serves as the artist for this issue, and it's different than Olivetti's regular artwork, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Silent War #2
Writer: David Hine
Artist: Frazier Irving

You'd think that this series would have come and gone by now, considering it deals with fallout from Son of M, which ended at least a year ago. But that doesn't make it any less impactful.

Now that the Inhumans have retaliated against the United States for their confiscation of the Terrigen Mists, it's clear that Black Bolt wasn't prepared for the ramifications. As a result we witness a chilling scene between Black Bolt and his brother Maximus, and we finally get to see the Sentry do something besides brood and look pretty. We are also treated to a rather creepy ending featuring none other than resident jerkwad, Quicksilver. I can't wait for the next issue.

The writing is excellent, the art really stands out. Irving's dark and dreary artwork perfectly captures Black Bolt's emotions, which is essential because Bolt is a silent character. Great stuff.

United Nations FTW!

Not too long ago, the United Nations decided to change the world-wide symbol for "Hazard: Radiation.


I guess this might work for some people, but when I look at this sign, all I see is "In case of high winds, run, for death in eminent."

On Needlepoint, White Rapping, And, Oh Yea, Comics

Rob Liefeld, quite possibly one of the most despised men in comics, posted this video on YouTube a few days ago regarding the status of Onslaught Reborn #3. Can be I be the first to say who cares?



Hey Rob, maybe while you're working on your needlepoint and rapping skills, you can thrown in some video editing. Unless you were aiming to get a few laughs, cause seriously, I laughed so hard I almost cried.

It funny, no matter how "refined" his artwork has become...


I'll always remember Liefeld for this fantastic piece of work.

Wasted Days

I jut wasted two and a half hours of my life watching the 100 Greatest One Hit Wonders on VH1. Turns out it was The Macarena. I'll just make things easier and shoot myself now, cause it surely can't get any better than this.

Be Careful About Those You Touch

With Valentine's Day falling in the middle of the week this year, I feel I should pass along this hilarious warning.

So watch what you do with your hands (or other extremities), it may have dire consequences.

This Week In Comics: Feb. 14, 2007

Astonishing X-Men #20
Writer: Joss Whedon
Artist: John Cassaday

Another solid issue, and this may be the books biggest flaw. While the story is extremely well-written, and has its share of great moments, it does nothing more than reinforce what we already know: something big is going to happen and Colossus is going to be at the center of it.

That aside, I love this book for the little moments. We actually see Colossus address the fact that even though he is at the center of this story, not too long ago he was back on earth, and dead. Colossus may find this odd, I just see it as proof that Whedon actually knows what he's doing and just isn't pulling stories out of his ass.

And finally, someone took the initiative to portray Wolverine as an actual character, rather than the uber-powerful, indestructible killing machine portrayed by other writers. His scenes with "Armor" are some of the best in this book.

As always, Cassaday's art was great. Don't be shy, pick this book up. You know you want to.

Batman #663
Writer: Grant Morrison
Artist: John Van Fleet

One of the best Joker stories ever written. And yes, I have read The Killing Joke.

What make this book work is that it isn't written in the traditional comic book format (text balloons, sequential art, etc.), but is written in prose format. By doing this, Morrison is able to delve deeper into Joker's psyche, allowing the reader to actually read what he is thinking, rather than merely extrapolating it through the art work. Yes, I know this takes away some of what makes comics great, but with a story this good, I'm willing to let that slide. While the story is great, Morrison does go overboard with his use of metaphors and similes, resulting in over dramatization. It drives the point home, but it could have been toned down a bit.

Now on to the art. I would have loved to see Andy Kubert tackle the artwork for this story, but DC decided to call in guest-artist John Van Fleet, whose 3D artwork is very hit or miss. For the most part, the backgrounds works, but when actual characters appear, things start to look too "plasticky." But this shouldn't stop you from reading this issue. I wouldn't be surprised to see this take the "Best Stand-alone Issue of the Year" award.

Justice Society of America #3
Writer: Geoff Johns
Artist: Dale Eaglesham

After last issue's phenomenal ending, I was thinking it would be damned near impossible to follow it with something equally shocking. Sadly I was right, yet this book is still one of the best, if not the best, book on store shelves, serving as a testament to how great a writer Geoff Johns actually is.

The reason I love this book so much is that prior to this series, I hardly knew anything about these characters, other than the fact that they did indeed exist. But within the span of three issues, not only am I interested in what happens to them, I actually care about these characters. Although I'm not quite sure where this series is headed, or why the newly revealed bad guy is so much of a threat, I have faith that Johns won't lead me astray.

As for Eaglesham, absolutely phenomenal. He seems to be setting himself up to become one of the premier artists of the DC camp. And I can't go on with out mentioning Alex Ross' amazing work as the cover artist. If you don't think Cyclone looks beautiful, you're either blind or gay. Or a girl, I guess.

Thunderbolts #111
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Mike Deodato, Jr.

While I did enjoy first issue of this story arc, I wasn't completely sold on the idea. I debated with myself about getting this book and finally caved. Thankfully, I was not disappointed.

In a post-Superhuman Registration Act world, the government has (re)formed a team of super-villains, using them to bring in unregistered superhumans. After reading this, your first question may be "how can the the general public be fine with the government using these known criminals?" Answering this question is exactly where this book succeeds. Warren Ellis convincingly shows that when enough "spin" is applied, almost any situation, no matter how bad it looks, can be portrayed in a positive manner. Note that I said "almost." In what I see as a brilliant move, Ellis admits that there isn't enough spin in the world to make a villain as despicable as Bullseye likable. And when Bullseye finally makes his appearance, trust me, it's worth the wait. Justice like lightning indeed.

Deodato's artwork adds that extra layer of "oomph" to the book. His fight scenes are a pleasure to watch, adding just the right amounts of kinetic energy to the story.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book, but after reading this, I'm left with one question: Am I the only one that didn't know the Scarlet Spider was still active?

Happy Valentines Day!

Seriously Now

What?!? I guess Lois decided that the "Man of Steel" wasn't man enough for her.

The text in this panel is hilarious, but the it's the art that really sells it. Lets take a closer look.

Seriously, do I even want to know what happened last night?

It Begins

With Valentine's Day being around the corner, I thought a few love-themed posts would be appropriate.

I honestly don't know what I find funnier: Batman shamelessly expressing his desire for another woman when he has a girl named "Julie" back home, or Robin's expression. Just look at him. It's a mix between the pre-teen "girls are icky" stage and a homo erotic "I thought I was the only boy for Batman" look.

By golly was the Golden Age fucked up.

Awesomeness

I got the coolest thing in the mail this morning. A trial pair of Pampers. So I'm gonna try this baby out. See y'all in Orlando, I'll tell you how everything goes!

This Week In Comics: Feb. 7, 2007

Today I start what I hope becomes a tradition around this blog. Anyone who knows me can tell that I love comics books, so it's only fitting that I use this space to give my view on some of today's latest and greatest funny books. Hopefully this will become a regular addition to the blog. So without further ado, here we go.

Bullet Points #4
Writer: J. Michael Straczynski
Art: Tommy Lee Edwards

While I'm enjoying the story thus far, my biggest problem is that it's nothing more than a glorified "What if?". I was intrigued by the premise of this mini-series, but with Steve Rogers as Iron Man, Peter Parker as the Hulk, Reed Richards as the head of S.H.I.E.L.D., and so forth, there just isn't enough change for my taste. I do find it interesting that JMS has finally addressed something that was bothering me since the beginning. It turns out that the single bullet that changed the lives of the aforementioned didn't affect everyone in the Marvel Universe, and as the final page shows, my last statement doesn't only resonate throughout Earth. Based on this, I'll be waiting to see how this mini ends.

Detective Comics #828
Writer: Paul Dini
Art: Don Kramer and Wayne Faucher
Cover: Simone Bianchi

I love what Paul Dini is doing with this series. It's as if he's channeling the best aspects of Batman: TAS, sticking to a "one story per issue" format that works because the stories remain fresh by introducing a new villain every issue. I'm also intrigued by the way Dini is portraying the Riddler. Since Infinite Crisis, the Riddler's become one of the most famous detectives in Gotham City, second only to Batman himself. I love that this new portrayal is proving to be a great foil to the mystique of the Dark Knight, showing that while Batman is still is a great detective, he isn't the only man for the job. The art in this book is serviceable, but nothing to write home to mom about. And, as always, Simone Bianchi does a tremendous job on the cover art.

Irredeemable Ant-Man
Writer: Robert Kirkman
Art: Phil Hester

The tag-line "The World's Most Unlikable Super-Hero" doesn't do the new Ant-Men justice; he quite honestly may be the world's most unlikable person. Seriously folks, this guy is a giant asshole. But you know what? I don't see myself not reading about him any time soon. While Kirkman is doing a phenomenal job at making me care about the new Ant-Man, he also has the ability to make even the mundane seem extra-ordinary. Throw in a twist that may make life difficult for our hero and great artwork (especially the shadowing), and you have a recipe for success.

New Avengers #27
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Art: Leinil Francis Yu

After reading this issue, I've come to the realization that the Marvel Universe needs more team books. With the last five or so issues focusing more on individuals characters, it's really nice to see Bendis returning to the team aspect that we've come to love. While the story starts of with the "origin" of Ronin, it quickly jumps into an action-packed sequence showcasing all of the New New Avengers. I really do love this book. The artwork is great. And the dialogue is great, ezpecially the banter between Spider-Man, and well, everyone else. Pick this one up, you will not be disappointed.

Spider-Man: Reign #3
Writer: Kaare Andrews
Art: Kaare Andrews

After reading the first two issues, I was ready to write this one off as The Dark Knight Returns Lite. But after reading this issue, I'm starting to think that my original assumption was wrong. While the reintroduction of an old villain was obviously a shock, we're three issues into a four issue mini-series and we have yet to see how the happenings of the rest of the world are affecting Peter Parker (read: the title character). Obviously, Andrews has some sort of plan to end this series, I just hope he'll be able to pull it off without ruining a good thing.

Ultimate Spider-Man
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Art: Mark Bagley

Now this is the way to end a story arc. Bendis managed to take one of the most hated storylines from the 90s (the dark ages) and actually made it very, very enjoyable. This is a phenomenal, emotionally-driven story that marks the end to one of the best arcs in USM history. Frankly, if this series ended with this issue, it would the end of an incredible run. My only concern is with the plot of the next arc. There is a possibility that Bendis won't be able to match this story, given that Spider-Man is at his best when Peter Parker is the front-runner.

Why Superman Why

While I know there isn't anything wrong with the cover for Action Comics #457, something about it called out to me.


So I took the liberty and put my own spin on it.


If this upsets anyone, don't blame me. Whoever originally drew that cover was just asking for something like this to happen.

Riddle Me This.

Riddle me that.
Who's afraid of the big black Bat?

I am. That's for damn sure.


You see that guy he just punched? There is no doubt about it. That fucker is dead. AND he's happy about it. You can't get any scarier than that.


Well, maybe you can.

What The Hell Were They Thinking?

bon·er (bō'nər) -
1) n. Informal A blunder or an error.
2) n. Vulgar Slang An erection of the penis.

Given that the Batman comics produced during the 1940s and 50s were written during a so-called "age of innocence," I still have to ask what the hell were the writers thinking. I must admit that I'm not up to date on all my 1950s slang, but I find it very hard to believe that the term "boner" wasn't used in the same context that it's used today.

Here are a few scans of "boner emphasis" taken from the pages of Batman and possibly Detective Comics. So take a look at them. They're in no particular order, and I'm not even sure that they're all from the same comic.

Also, I'm not even going to try to look at them in context. Enjoy!


First of all, who the hell emphasizes boners? And why the hell would that give Joker an idea for "a new adventure in crime"? Who talks like that anyway? Frankly I feel sorry for the citizens of Gotham, having to rue boners and all...


This just disturbs me. Now Joker's "boner crimes" are terrorizing the city. Even if I were to use the non-vulgar definition of the word, can someone please tell me what a blunder or an error crime is? And while it's nice to see that Gordon is worried about the boner Joker is readying for Batman, I'm a little worried as to why Batman's not concerned. Robin's taking the news like a champ too. Interesting...


He's trying to force you into a boner? You need to study the greatest boners of all time? Man, these guys couldn't be straight if a naked Catwoman was sitting on their face.


Rather than trying to make some joke about Joker pulling the boner of the year, I'm going to take the high road. What kind of sound effect is "WUXTRY!"? Is that the sound made when Joker pulls the boner of the year?

...

Wow, I couldn't even go one line with out going for the obvious. Oh well, on to the last picture.


I don't know what I find funnier, people laughing at Joker's boner, or people chortling at Joker's boner? Either way, I'm not even sure why Joker's pissed. Isn't he a clown? I thought any chortling was better than no chortling...

And there you have it. I think I'll take a shower now. I suddenly feel very, very dirty.

Only Slightly Disturbing

For Aunt May's sake, I hope that is web fluid... I don't think her poor heart could tak it being anything else.

My Black Son

Hey all, I'm back. Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've been pretty busy (read: lazy).

So I don't know how many of you actually watch Family Guy on Sundays, but this weeks' episode was pretty good. You have just to love everything that comes out of Peter's head. Without further ado, here's My Black Son, a great spoof that practically channels half the sitcoms ever produced in the 80s.



This clip got me thinking, why exactly was watching the adventures of a white family and their black kid so appealing? I think, nay hope, the meeting that gave the green-light to this type of show went something like this:

Head Exec: Ok troops, we need a new, hip TV show, and we need it fast. Any ideas?
Exec 1: How about a small-town family trying to make it in the big city?
Head Exec: It's been done.
Exec 2: How about Teenagers, but get this, they're in love!
Head Exec: Wow, that was uninspired. Next!
Exec 3: The adventures of a guy who just learned he has a long-lost son.
Head Exec: ...
Exec 3: Did I mention the kid is black?
Head Exec: Holy shit that's brilliant! Sheila, get me the president of the network.
Exec 4: Wait, um, sir. I have an idea.
Head Exec: *sigh* Fine Johnson, go ahead.
Johnson: Imagine, if you will, a walking carpet that teaches a family to love through his zany antics.
Head Exec: ...
Johnson: Uhh, did I mention the carpet is from space?
Head Exec: Brilliant!

Yup. Just like that. Truly inspired, this one is.

Wowwee! It's Spider-Sapien

Cool, huh?

This Makes Me Sad

Really, really sad.

This, my friends, is true dedication to ones hobby. Do you see how many systems this guy has? It's absolutely mind boggling. First of all, the amount of money it took to acquire all these systems must have been astronomical. Second, I think I'm actually jealous. But then again, I wonder if the owner of this impressive gaming set-up even knows what the sky looks like.

And I hope he got the Wii he wanted, cause I'm having a heck of a time finding one. Although there seems to be an abundance of PS3s... and he doesn't seem to want one... hmm, interesting...

In other news, just to show that Apple will eventually take over the world, check out the iHome.


Now while this isn't an official Apple product, this is the epitome of dedication to a brand name.

And to think I actually wanted to buy a Zune.

Manliness

You know, I was going to post something deep and meaningful about stupid people, but I decided to go with this instead. It's got to be the manliest video I have ever seen.

Every punch Rocky has ever taken through Rocky V

We love you Rocky!!!

Bod by Zod

Even your Superman cannot save you from the rippling abs and tight buns produced by the Bod by Zod workout.

KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

I Want an iBoy

Is that not the coolest thing you have ever seen? I have an oldschool Gameboy somewhere around the house. If someone is willing to donate a 60 gig iPod I'll gladly use it to make one for myself.

And if anyone is brave enough to try it for themselves, here's a flickr photoset describing the process.

For All Who Burn When They Crusade

Here's an awesome Coke commercial I found from Japan.



I fucking love Japan. You just can't find this stuff in the States. Seriously, do you ever think Coke would use World of Warcraft to advertise their product? I didn't think so.

Funny thing is, I didn't think people in Japan actually played WoW, at least not legitimate players, but as gold farmers for "legitimate" players in the US. Or am I thinking about the Chinese?

Long Live the Crack Spider

Thanks to a gnat friend of mine, I sound this awesome video.



Enjoy.

Five Minutes to Midnight

For those of you that don't pay attention to the news, I thought it was important to note that CNN recently reported the Doomsday Clock has been set to *gasp* five minutes to midnight. Just to add to the reality of the situation, I'd like to say I've already crapped my pants... twice.


See. Scary.

So inter-galactic super pimp Stephen Hawking and his Science Squadron have decided humanity has failed (yet again) to successfully contain the threat of nuclear war. Some might say it's because we have the bomb. I just blame North Korea (good job ya sons o' bitches!).

We have also apparently failed make electric cars conventional and control the weather to do our bidding, thus environmental concerns have been added to the equation. Sure, it's easy to blame our gas-guzzling cars. I say it's easier to blame Al Gore (he did invent Global Warming after all). But seriously, can't we just nuke the weather, it would make things easier.

In reality folks, I don't see anyone accurately being able to predict the end of the world. The Bible couldn't do it, Nostradamus couldn't do it, and I'm pretty sure the boys at the University of Chicago can't do it. Tough break fellas.

As you can see, I'm really concerned about the end of the world...

I just hope no one tries to peg all the blame on me.

I Really (blank) Sony

Sticking to my previous theme, I have to say that I really hate this commercial.



I just think it fails on so many levels. Why would Sony advertise a portable gaming system without showcasing the games? Then they use these ultra-hip entities to convey the need to own one of these devices. I have to buy one now, because if my (nonexistent) girlfriend one day decides to do something mysterious/romantic, I'm more than sure she's going to reach for a PSP and utilize it for her sexy game of cat and mouse.

Sure, there's the argument that I should get a PSP because it can do so much more than play games. And it's true. It can play movies on a format that's quickly becoming defunct. And after a string of crappy games, one of the biggest draws is the ability to load SNES and Genesis emulators onto the memory stick. Yes, that makes me want to give Sony $250.

But on a different note, Sony has made some really awesome commercials in the past.



Sadly, that monkey passed away a few days ago at the ripe old age of 29. But it doesn't hurt to remember him, because the brilliance behind this commercial is that it subtly shows the viewer why you might want a Walkman forcing "cool" down the viewer's throat.

Best. Commercial. EVER.

So I'm up around 4 o'clock Monday morning fulfilling my fanboy fantasies (thank you Betty Badass) and I came across the best commercial I have ever seen. Thank you Bruce Campbell. And thank you Old Spice for giving me Bruce Campbell on my TV.



Hail to the King Baby!

Poor Kids...

Obviously I wasn't able to attend the spectacle that is CES 2007 (if I did, I definitely wouldn't waste my time talking about random super-heroes and their lame powers). But thanks to the internet and the magical device known as a digital camera, I've been able to enjoy the show at home. In my perusing of the internet, I came across this picture.


All I have to say is, poor kids. It's obvious that any anti-stroller decree is also an anti-children decree, so that sucks for parents and their loved ones. But I do understand the necessity to limit the amount of running and screaming children (as if you'd actually be able to hear their screams on the show floor). It's their reasoning that escapes me. How many kids have actually been walloped by the briefcases of speed-walking business men?

It reminds me of this sign.


I would kill to know how many times people in wheelchairs have rolled down that hill only to eaten by an alligator. Sadly, I bet it's more often than not. People can be pretty dumb most of the time...

Ahhh... Perfection

Just a quick note friends, I seem to have perfected my Lightsabering via Photoshop. Scroll down to see my previous try.



Enjoy!

God Damn Wonder Twins

I know I've touched on this subject before, but I really really hate the Wonder Twins. Just look at them!!! I know they're a product of the 1970's, but honestly, did anyone ever think they were cool?


C'mon now, seriously, purple jumpsuits?!? Or maybe they're speed suits (I'll be happy if you get that reference).

And their powers, oh God their powers. The female wonder twin has a cool power, in theory. In execution, it absolutely sucks. How effective is a useless-looking camel, or a smiling polar bear? If you're going to turn into a bear, at least maul someone, don't just stand their looking stupid. And the male wonder twin. His power is just plain useless. "Ooh, look at me. Form of bucket of water." Scary! A sponge could kick his ass, and it doesn't even have to be an evil sponge!

Oh well, I found this cool picture. Finally Gleek is doing something cool.


And you see the Twins on the left? Yea, I went there.

Ice Breath? WTF?!?

I like Superman. I like his powers. I like his look. And when he's written well, I really like his stories. But one thing I've never quite understood is his "super ice breath." I get his heat vision. It's easy to understand that when he gets really pissed, he shoots hot red out of his eyes.


See. That is one pissed off Kryptonian.

But who the hell are you supposed to fight with ice breath? I mean, you can only fight water monsters so often. Not only that, where the hell do you find water monsters in the first place. And if they are made of water, I'm pretty sure the heat vision will take care of it (thank God for evaporation).

Overall, I think ice breath is stupid. That, and Captain Cold.


What a tool.

I Am Such A Geek

As a matter of fact, I think huge may be too small a word to encompass the magnitude of "geek"-titude (ha, that kinda rhymes). But Seriously folks, being able to transform this



Into this



Has made me extremely happy. Like, happy... in my pants. I'll let that sink in.

Scratch that, did I say I'm a geek, cause what I really meant was I'm fucking awesome.

Good Job NASA

I'm watching the news today and there's a report about a NASA scientist claiming there may have been life on Mars. Now this in itself isn't really shocking, as many people believed that there was life on Mars millions of years ago. What made this particular report interesting was that the supposed "Martians" actually went extinct thirty years ago. *GASP*

Apparently, when a mars probe landed thirty years ago, it found life... and then inadvertently killed it. That's just awesome. We mere humans managed to annihilate an entire planet using our inferior technology. I might even go as far to say that we kicked Martian ass. Just for my own sake, I really hope it went down like this:

Earth: 1, Space: 0 - And boom goes the dynamite...

Merry Belated Christmas From Marvel

In all honesty, I'm really posting this for myself because I know there might be only one other person besides me who would get a kick out of this (one if I'm lucky). It's a Christmas song performed by Marvel's Editor-in-Chief Joe Quesada along with others on the editorial staff. Enjoy.

THIS SONG IS 2 WEEKS LATE
Words and Music Joe Quesada ©2007
Additional words, the Merry Marvel Marching Society

Bring on the French Revolution

They often say that we should learn history because those who don't are doomed to repeat it. That's why I spent the better part of today fighting the French Revolution. Irony is, I didn't learn anything. That's why I'll be re-fighting the French Revolution for the better part of tomorrow. If you're in the Sugar Land area, I'll be at the field across from the Best Buy around noon. Please join me if you're up for it. It's bound to be loads of fun.*



*I really won't be there at noon, so don't bother going. Hell, I'll be surprised if I'm up at noon...

Coming to the Justice League of America

As I was perusing videos on youtube, I came across this awesome video. I think any fans of Justice League Unlimited or Coming to America will surely enjoy this clip.

You Know What Really Hurts?

Getting your ass kicked. And I don't mean getting beat up. I mean literally having some kick you square in the ass. It's quite painful.

Seriously.

Ow.

Obey Your Thirst

We live in a society where one can easily use their celebrity (or pseudo-celebrity) status to help some company hawk their cheesy wares by appearing in some sort of commercial advertisement. Usually this is the result of some desperate attempt by the company to increase the interest of the certain demographic. But sometimes the blame for such an occasion can be placed merely on a lapse of judgment on the behalf of the individual starring in the ad.



Seriously, I didn't see this one coming.

So the next time you take a sip of an ice-cold, refreshing, lemony-lime Sprite, I hope you choke (insert dramatic pause here) just a little bit.

God I Love India

In the past couple months, I've been introduced to "Golimar" (Indian Thriller to you and me) and this Indian Midget, who, according to my expert opinion, must have pimpness shooting out of his asshole. Thanks to the internet and my love of it's use, I stumbled upon this little gem.



That's right, Indian Superman.

Honestly, I don't even know what to say. I guess you can say it starts out normally,. Superman is flying through the city with a girl in his arms, nothing strange about that. When we think of Superman, we all have images of Christopher Reeve flying through Metropolis with Margot Kidder.

At least that's how I remember it. Ok, whatever, back to Indian Superman. So he's flying through the city with some girl. Problem is, instead of wearing a business suit or Clark Kent's shirt ala Superman II, Indian Lois Lane is sporting a Spider-Man costume. WHY THE HELL IS SHE WEARING A SPIDER-MAN COSTUME!!! Honestly, it doesn't even make sense. My geek side is screaming 1) Spider-Man is not a girl, and 2) they aren't even from the same universe. Superman is DC, Spider-Man is Marvel, end of story. Obviously, I think the latter is more important than the former (if Indian Superman is gay, that's his business, not mine).

I guess that's the only thing that really grinds my gears. I could talk about their dance* that takes place in the middle of the sky, but the video was filmed in India, everyone dances in India. Seriously, dancing in a Bollywood movie is like a rite of passage in their culture.

I would like to give them some props though. They used a pretty slick movie-making technique (at least for the 1980s) to avoid thick black lines appearing around the actors when in front of a green screen. It worked Empire**, so I guess they thought it could work here. Too bad they thought wrong. I'm pretty sure Superman isn't wearing magical underoos, allowing to the viewers to get a crotch-eye view of Metropolis.

Oh well, enjoy the video, it's actually so bad it's good.


*Check out the 1 minute mark if you want to see some sick moves.
** For those of you that don't know, George Lucas lowered to opacity of some of the shots in The Empire Strikes Back to make it less apparent that he was filming in front of a green screen, resulting in at least one see-thru snow speeder cockpit

Happy New Years!

Plan 9 From Outer Space

I'm currently battling my way through what could possibly be the worst movie of all time, Plan 9 From Outer Space. It's so bad I think I actually like it. Here's the full movie, but watch at your own risk, your brain might melt and ooze out your ear in the process.

Simply a Test

Well here I am typing out a post on my cousin's Wii. Everything seems cool so far but it's a bit too much to make a habit out of it. We'll see how often I do this when I get my own Wii. Peace and love people.

To Marriage

Well, I just back home from Scott and Eva's wedding, which, I might add, was rather lovely. Now, I never would have guessed that by this time in our lives, we would be celebrating their marriage, much less the marriage of anyone else from my high school graduating class. But that's the way things go. It just shows that we're all growing older, maturing, and getting ready to take on the responsibilities that age brings us. Now that Scott was the first, the rest are sure to follow. Pretty soon we'll be celebrating the marriages of other friends, pretty soon we'll be celebrating the birth of our children, and pretty soon we'll be celebrating their subsequent birthdays. It's quite beautiful when you think about. So I'd like to extend my congratulations Scott and Eva; that they have many years of blissful marriage, many beautiful children, and many wonderful times in the coming years.

Merry Christmas!!!

Well, not much to say this time around other than I hope all of you had a great a Christmas. Hopefully everyone got what they wanted under their trees this year, and if you didn't, well... that's not what's important. Spend time with your families and friends and remember why we celebrate Christmas; to honor the birth of Santa Claus.

Gleek Out!

Alright Super Friends, things are about to get a little geeky... you've been warned.

So it's Saturday night, I'm bored outta my mind, and I have two options: continue playing Super Castlevania IV or sit down and watch the Super Friends. Well I chose the latter and came the one conclusion: I hate the fucking monkey Gleek.

Let's recap. Batman, Robin, and Aquaman are being held captive in the ocean, of all places, by some evil dude by the name of Captain Nimoy. For some ungodly reason, Spock decides to launch two, count 'em two, nuclear missiles (OH SHIT!!!) towards California and Japan, and it's up to the Super Friends to stop them. Now here's where things get retarded. With Batman, Robin, and Aquaman out of commission, the Wonder Twins decide to call for help. Now rather than call someone like Superman, who can kick the shit out of anything, or an even bigger gun, like the Apache Chief, the Twins decide to call Gleek, their freaking blue pet monkey.

I'm not exactly sure how things are in whatever backwater planet the Twins hail from, but when you're best idea is to call a monkey with a stretchy tail, you'd better rethink your role on the world's premiere super hero team. So after the monkey dicks around for a while, he rattles the Bottled City of Kandor and the natives, all of whom have the strength of Superman, are released. Of course they catch wind of the Wonder Twins distress call and decide to help.

Here's my second problem. Why the hell do the Kandorians decide to help? Sure there's a couple of nukes looking to make things quite uncomfortable for a few people, but Superman is keeping your entire city in a fucking miniature bottle. FUCK HIM!!!

Oh well, they do it anyway. Japan and California are saved. Aquaman frees himself along with "The Knight" and his "Boy Wonder" by *gasp* communicating with some sea creatures. And all is well in the universe. At least until the Legion of Doom valiantly tries to destroys the "Super Freaks" only to be beaten over and over again.

Oh, and when the Super Friends made it back to the Hall of Justice, I'm pretty sure Robin said something along the lines of "Holy Torpedoes Batman! I think Gleek just shit in the Bottled City of Kandor!" Take that you small bastards!

Sweet Freedom!!!

Good God Damn it feels good to be finished with finals! It's like the weight of something really heavy has been lifted off my shoulders. I honestly don't think I've done this much work during all my time at St. Thomas. Oh well, it's over, thank the maker...

I guess I can get back to focusing on comic books. It's not like I've dropped off or anything, I just don't have to worry about school getting in the way. As for how I'm going to sustain my habit, that's another story...

Now that I have the time, I think I'll watch some cartoons. Hurray for the Venture Bros!

Thanks for a Great Semester

Cripes Almighty, I can't believe it's been a month since I updated this thing. Mmmm... well, maybe I can, nothing really life-changing has happened in the past month, but then again, these things (i.e., blogs) wouldn't be as common if they were only designed to inform the general public of life-changing events. But like they say, "Dead men tell no tales," and I'm not dead yet, so here we go...

The semester is practically over, yet I still have an incredible amount of shit due (much thanks to Magic in the Middle Ages). I actually managed to survive all the term papers and exams I had to suffer through this semester, so I guess I could be thankful for that... but it's much easier to bitch about everything as if the world were about to end as a direct result of the school year. But everyone else I know has had the luxury of survival, so there's another reason to be thankful...

Now on to my friends: It's been awesome as always. For all the stupid shit that has
been said, for all the retarded conversations we had when we should have been studying, for all the time wasted not drinking, and for all the time wasted being wasted, I wouldn't give it up for anything. I love you guys.

And to all the people I've met throughout the semester, may we have to opportunity to build upon the friendships that have just begun.

I have to give a huge shout-out to the one thing that's helped me get through this semester, my Nintendo DS (wow, Geekout). Without you there at my side, I don't think I could've honestly said that I was awake on Tuesday nights without feeling as if I were a liar. Now if you were to ask if I was actually paying attention, that's another story...

I plan on doing this much more often throughout the break, so keeps those eyes and ears open. You never know what I'm gonna say next, so "Watch out, Radiactive Man,"
cause Vince just might end up doing something stupid.

To whatever the rest of our lives may bring.

Love & Peace, Vince.

Hooray for Gore

And no, I don't mean Al Gore, although his inventing of the internet had provided me with countless hours of fun.

I just finished a very satisfying gaming session of Gears of War and I must say that if you own a 360 and don't own this game, you're either a retard or someone who recently got his arms chopped off. The gameplay is awesome, the visuals are simply breathtaking, and although I have never experienced this personally, I imagine that chainsawing someone would sound exactly the way it does in this game.

I also bought Contra off Xbox Live. While the single player is classic fun the multiplayer seems to be very broken. On the off-chance that you do manage to get into a game with someone, it usually ends in disappointment. Damn you Konami! Damn you for making me buy a broken game. And to think, with that money, I could have bought 5 double cheeseburgers, or a 12 pack of Bud Ice... hmm, no that still sucks.

Here We Go Again

Another week, another pile of shit that keeps accumilating, thus making my life even worse. I had a test on Friday in Microbiology, have a test on Monday in Christian Ethics and the Law, and by the end of the semester, I have between 25-45 pages of papers due for all my classes combined, not to mention various tests and homework assignments thrown in. Oh, and I have a presentaion of a magical nature due. Wow wow wee wow.

Add to that, I have upgraded my status from third to fifth, and potentially seventh wheel. That just makes me sad. Cuddle season isn't going very well, but God has plenty of time to make things worse, so I guess I should be thankful for that. But on the plus side, I keep getting emails from DemoraticSingles.com and, even more puzzling, AfricanAmericanSingles.com, so maybe I stand a chance.

I'm not exactly sure how badly I need to make fun of him over this, but my fifteen year old brother has somehow managed to get himself quite whipped even though he is not in a relationship. Either he's a moron, or she's really good. I'm banking on the 'he's a moron' option.

And if anyone out there has the time, watch this, it's great.