Read Some Comics Bitches

I'm Back... Kinda

2009-07-10T08:25:00.002-05:00

For all five of you that read my site, I think it's been pretty obvious that I've been gone for quite a while. Between dealing with my current job, working on getting a new job, school, and my now-ex-girlfriend, I just don't have the time for comic books that I used to. Don't get me wrong, I still make it out to the shop on a weekly basis, but that doesn't actually mean I get to read them in a timely manner. Hell, I still still have have comics from three weeks ago that I haven't read yet (I'm working on it, I swear). And that's not to mention the hardcovers and trades that I've also picked up along the way.

I know. So Sad.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm actually going to try and update this thing on a regular basis. I'd tell you to look for something tonight, but I wouldn't bet the farm on it, if you get what I'm saying.

Friday Night Fights: You Down With OPP?!?

2009-03-13T18:27:00.003-05:00

It's Friday, fight fans, and that means it's time again to step into the Square Circle and determine who rules the night when all you have is One Panel of Pain to dish out.

Tonight's match-up pits The Mighty Thor against the scion of evil, Fafnir of Nastrond!

And remember, to the victor go the spoils.

Taken from The Mighty Thor #341, with art and story by the legendary Walt Simonson.

Friday Night Fights: You Down With OPP?!?

2009-03-06T14:30:00.004-06:00

It's that time again to see who's stepping into the Squared Circle. Tonight's match-up pits the Caped Crusader against a Faceless Minion of the evil, yet sexy, Poison Ivy! So tell me, fight fans...

ARE YOU DOWN WITH ONE PANEL OF PAIN?!?

Batman hit that fool so hard, he turned his head to CHUNT!!!

Taken from Batman #495, by Doug Moench and Jim Aparo.

Who Watches the Watchmen?

2009-03-05T21:58:00.003-06:00

ME!!! So I won't be able to post the most unread comic on the internet tonight. Hopefully I'll be able to post my takes on this week's comics by Saturday, but no promises. But I'll be participating in tomorrow's Friday Night Fight, so make sure to stop by for that.

Friday Night Fights: You Down With O.P.P?!?

2009-02-27T14:12:00.005-06:00

It's Fight Night kiddies, so it's that time again to see who's throwing down inside the Square Circle.

Tonight's match up pits Superman(boy) against his most dreaded nemesis, his own fighting confidence!

So tell me boys and girls,

ARE YOU DOWN WITH
ONE PANEL OF PAIN!!!

Taken out of context from Action Comics #466 by Cary Bates, Curt Swan, and Tex Blaisdell.

This Week in the Funny Books: Feb 25, 2009

2009-02-26T21:50:00.012-06:00

What up Sports Fans, here I am for another round of the most unread comic reviews on the internet.

As you'll notice, this is a pretty Avengers intensive review session, being that Dark Reign rocks my freakin' socks. And here we go.
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New Avengers #50
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artists: Billy Tan, Bryan Hitch, David Aja, Michael Gaydos, David Lopez, Alex Maleev, Steve McNiven, Leinil Yu, Steve Epting, Greg Horn

There's something to be said about a comic that genuinely shocks and excites you.

While this wasn't the brawl that was advertised, important pieces begin to fall into place, revealing to the characters what the reader already knows. And given that the mastermind behind Dark Reign is none other than Norman Osborn, it's about damn time we see the real heroes take a proactive stance rather than standing around, jamming their witty thumbs up their bantering butts (I really do like the banter).

As with other milestone issues as of late, Marvel decided to employ several artists to capture the character that they are most familiar with. Each character gets a dedicated page and I think it works perfectly. I do have one question though. Why does every artist draw Iron Fist with a ridiculously high collar after David Aja masterfully redesigned the costume?

The story was masterfully done. But my only complaint stems from the issue's price tag. Marvel can't possibly believe that a 36-page story, along with a five page preview I didn't ask for is worth the $4.99 price tag. Marvel's stance just seems backwards. "Let's reward our loyal readers by raising the prices of their favorite comics because they'll buy it anyway." I'll concede and face facts. Marvel may not be driving away old readers, but raising the price certainly won't draw in new ones.

Mighty Avengers #22
Writer: Dan Slott
Artist: Khoi Pham

Even though I'm still not too sure what the hell is going on, I enjoyed this issue a lot more than the last. Everything from the magic stone men to the talking cow to Hank Pym doing everything with science evokes a very Silver Age feel.

Also, this book also features one of the best panels to be taken out of context in recent memory.

Is that the Wasp straddling Jocasta?

Avengers: the Initiative #22
Writer: Christos Gage
Artist: Humberto Ramos

Three things:

1) Damn you, Christos Gage, for killing off yet another Scarlet Spider. I loved those under-utilized bastards.

2) Humberto Ramos, I love your artwork, but it's just too damn busy. Tone it down, son!

3) I need more Shadow Initiative, and I really need more Typhoid Mary. Especially if she's topless.

Thunderbolts #129
Writer: Andy Diggle
Artist: Roberto de la Torre

While not as bombastic as last issue, this was still a very fun read, showing just how cerebral Norman Osborn could be. Although there isn't much I would put past Osborn, it still amazing to see the lengths he will take in order to clear his storied reputation and prove his worth and necessity to the new president (read: Obama). An interesting point is also brought to light. The Thunderbolts are basically the Black-Ops Avengers, doing what the more public "heroes" could never do.

All said and done, this was a great end to an excellent arc. I can't wait to see what happens next, although I'm not too excited about buying into another comic series in order to find out.

Ms. Marvel #36
Writer: Brian Reed
Artist: Patrick Olliffe

This issue was kinda blah, so I'm going to talk about boobs.

I know that Ms. Marvel has always been stacked, but when did she start smuggling basketballs. Seriously, that's a bust of Power Girl-ian proportions.

BRING ON THE COSPLAYERS!!!

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And with that, I'm done. I did read some non-Marvel books this week. Superman was interesting, and, surprisingly, Green Lantern left me rather unexcited. Strange, I know, but with a series this masterful, Johns is allowed a drop a pass once in a while.

I also picked up a few trades, All-Star Superman vol.2 and Saga of the Swamp Thing Book 1. I suggest you get pick them up cause they're GREAT!

TTFN!
Ta Ta For Now!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

2009-02-24T22:36:00.002-06:00

So I think it's safe to say that everyone loves the Ninja Turtles.

That said, I also love spending money on eBay. So behold, gentle reader...

The Awesomeness

AWWW YEAAAAH!!!

Friday Night Fights: You Down With OPP!?!

2009-02-20T12:49:00.005-06:00

It's that time, again boys and girls, to step into the ring and tell me if you're down with ONE PANEL of PAIN!!!

Tonight's fight features Superman and the off-panel Buckaroo Bandit. You tell me who the winner is.

Enjoy bitches.

Taken without context from Action Comics #469, by Cary Bates, Curt Swan, and Tex Blaisdell.

This Week in the Funny Books: Feb. 18, 2009

2009-02-20T01:36:00.008-06:00

So I went to the shop today and managed to spend more than I intended to even though they had sold out of two comics I wanted to buy. Thanks retarded covers of Action Comics!!!

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Amazing Spider-Man #587
Writer: Marc Guggenheim
Artist: John Romita Jr.

I don't want to keep beating a dead horse so I'll just make this short and sweet. This is a book loaded with interesting concepts yet plagued by sloppy execution. There's still hope but give ASM's track records, I remain cautiously optimistic.

Also, Romita = WIN

Robin #183
Writer: Fabien Nicieza
Artist: Freddie Williams II

After reading this issue I'm left with a sense of underwhelming excitement. Nicieza does touch on some of the series' dangling plot threads (dealing with such things as Robin's ex-girlfriend reeking havoc with his current girlfriend, his ex also coming back from the dead, and of course, Jason "The Douche" Todd) and brings them to an open conclusion. Yet while Nightwing seems geared up to take on the Bat-mantle, Robin seems content with remaining Robin. This seems strange considering Battle for the Cowl kicks off next month, but as we all know, editorial mandate usually wins over in a battle against what the writer wants.

Dark Avengers #2
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Mike Deodato Jr.

First Morgan Le Fey lays the smack down on Doctor Doom, then the Avengers have a Bendis moment, then Sentry rips the head off Morgan Le Fey, and then Morgan Le Fey comes backs and makes Venom eat Ares.

I'm not positive, but this book may very well be the shit.

A Quick Message to the FOX Network

2009-02-17T23:55:00.003-06:00

The Sarah Connor Chronicles freaking rocks. Please put it back at a decent time slot, cause Friday nights is the place network shows go to die. It happened to Firefly, it happened to countless other shows, and it'll happen again if people stop watching the show. I don't know about you, but even though I love Terminator, given the choice between watching TV or going out on a Friday night, I'm going out.

And that shit's for real.

Sunday Night Drink Vol. 2

2009-02-15T21:53:00.003-06:00

1 part Vodka
1 part Kahlua
1 part half & half
Splash of Coke

Combine and serve over ice. And remember, always enjoy responsibly!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

2009-02-14T22:14:00.004-06:00

In honor of this, the most romantic of holiday's, the Black Widow shows us that even badass secret agents still put love before the job.

BOOSH!

Taken from Captain America Vol. 5 #46, by Brubaker and Epting.

Friday Night Fights: St. Valentine's Day Massacre!

2009-02-13T21:40:00.005-06:00

For my first foray into the fight scene, Hank Pym reminds us that while love conquers all, a firm backhand will certainly throw a monkey wrench into the mix.

From Avengers #213 by Jim Shooter and Bob Hall, reprinted in Secret Invasion: Requiem

This Week in the Funny Books: Feb. 11 2009

2009-02-13T10:10:00.008-06:00

Another week, another batch of comics.

Overall, this was a pretty good week, but then again, any week that I can make to the shop and actually buy everything I want is a good week.

In celebration of Thor turning 600, here's some cute Thor goodness, courtesy of Chris Giarrusso.

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Amazing Spider-Man #586
Writer: Mark Guggenheim
Artist: Barry Kitson

This issue serves as yet another example of the inconsistent storytelling that has plagued Spider-Man for the past year.

Guggenheim's goal for this issue was to expand upon the genuinely shocking revelation that Lily Hollister is Menace, as well as tie up several loose-ends that have been dangling since Brand New Day kicked off. The problem is that he does so in a way that is more reminiscent of a college professor who reads directly from his notes: The information is necessary but the presentation fails to engage. It's a shame that The Brain Trust couldn't find a way to lend some excitement to these otherwise interesting developments.

As for the artwork, I love Barry Kitson, but he's no Romita Jr.

Captain Britain and MI13 #10
Writer: Paul Cornell
Artist: Leonard Kirk

This book starts with Dracula talking to Dr. Doom on the moon and ends with Dracula launching missiles made of Vampires at earth from the moon. This book is the fucking SHIT!

Batman #686
Writer: Neil Gaiman
Artist: Andy Kubert

Patterned after Alan Moore's "Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?", Neil Gaiman takes an amalgamation of various Batmen and focuses on his possible adventures from the perspective of his closest allies and most dangerous foes, seemingly removing Bruce Wayne from the picture. He draws on all aspects of the Bat-Universe, going as far back as his earliest adventures with The Cat all the way to the inconspicuous appearance of Green Arrow from The Dark Knight Returns. So needless to say, this is surreal. Gaiman is in his element when he deals with the supernatural, so having Batman and someone who I can only guess is Death serve as the narrators certainly adds to the experience. While this doesn't hold the same weight as Moore's expertly crafted tale because this isn't really the end of an era, Gaiman answers the question of how would the general public view the death of one of their greatest heroes: with a variety of stories, none of which may be true, but all important in their own way.

Nightwing #153
Writer: Peter Tomasi
Artist: Don Kramer

I could go on about how this issue capitalizes on the family aspect of the Batman books, but I'm going to make this short and sweet. I love Nightwing and if he does become Batman after Battle for the Cowl is over, I'll be one cheesed-off Bat-fan.

Abraham Lincoln

2009-02-12T22:21:00.003-06:00

Happy Birthday you Sexy Bastard!!!

In Honor of the Changing Weather

2009-02-10T22:12:00.003-06:00

HEY ROBIN!!!

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SEASON???

You see what I did there?

NICE

Taken from Detective Comics #660, by Chuck Dixon and Jim Balent

Sunday Night Drink Vol. 1

2009-02-08T22:55:00.003-06:00

1/3 Crown Royal
1/3 Coconut Rum
1/3 Peach Schnapps
1/2 Can Red Bull

Combine the three liquors in a shot glass and fill a highball glass with the Red Bull. Drop the shot glass into the Red Bull then slam it. It's the balls.

This Week in the Funny Books: Feb. 4 2009

2009-02-06T12:58:00.002-06:00

Sorry kiddies, real life got in the way and I didn't have the time to read most of what I bought, much less review them. Regardless, here's the list of what I got.

Til next time!

Mike Deodato Jr. Proves

2009-02-04T22:35:00.002-06:00

...that even homicidal maniacs
have an 'O' face.

Taken from Dark Avengers #1

The Joker

2009-02-03T23:13:00.009-06:00

This Is Why He's Hot

Taken from Batman #496

Whom Can I Send?

2009-02-02T22:21:00.004-06:00

You can send Batman and Robin!

SNAP!

Badly scanned from Batman: The Dailies: 1943-1946

Prepare Phase One...

2009-01-31T22:27:00.005-06:00

and get me Doctor Doom.

This Week In The Funny Books: Jan 28, 2009

2009-01-30T03:34:00.009-06:00

Another week, another $40+ spent on comics. I obviously don't have time to review everything I buy by Friday, so I decided to cobble something together to show you exactly what I bought.

On to the reviews!
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Final Crisis #7
Writer: Grant Morrison
Artist: Doug Mahnke

What the @#$% is going on in this comic? The only thing I got out of it is that Batman is still alive, in the past, and chilling in a cave that isn't the Batcave.

Sometime soon I'll re-read the entire series to see if I can make some sense of it. Needless to say, all the excitement that issue six built out was completely torn down by this issue.

Superman #684
Writer: James Robinson
Artist: Jesus Merino

Three-fourths of this comic focuses on the Parasite and his man-crush on Mon-El, which isn't as interesting as it sounds. What was interesting is the New Krypton military parade marshaled by General Zod.

Yea, that Zod. Better get to kneeling bitches.

New Avengers #49
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Billy Tan

In Dark Avengers #1, Bendis did a great job of quickly introducing the new line-up. Basically he got the boring stuff out the way so we could move on to the action. I just wasn't expecting it to happen in this book.

Picking up after Luke Cage made a deal with Osborn to find his daughter, we see Osborn using his power as Director of H.A.M.M.E.R. to viciously, yet entertainingly, extract info from Skrull POW's to learn the location of the Jarvis-Skrull. After he's found and the baby is peaceably turned over, a well-placed sniper's bullet shows us that Osborn's Avengers is a group you certainly don't want to piss off.

Add Luke monkey-whomping Bullseye and Venom with the Wrecker's crowbar and Ronin deciding he ain't gonna take not more guff, and you have yourself one entertaining comic.

Incredible Hercules #125
Writers: Greg Pak & Fred Van Lente
Artists: Salva Espin & Clayton Henry

In great Marvel fashion, this book asks a question that has plagued mankind for ages: "Would you have sex with a hot-ass Gorgon chick knowing that she would be forced to kill you after you shazamed?" Remember, you're friends with Hercules and Namora, who took down Atlas by super-punching him in the crotch.

Batman #685
Writer: Paul Dini
Artist: Dustin Nguyen

A rhinoceros literally uses Hush as a punching bag, Catwoman frees some adorable animals, and Nightwing and Robin sport Chinese coolie hats to help them both escape the jungles of Vietnam. Need I say more?

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And with that's I'm going to call it a night. Til next time!

This Rap is so Perfect...

2009-01-28T23:05:00.003-06:00

It's Retarded.

Stan Lee and Spider-Man...

2009-01-27T02:28:00.004-06:00

kickin' it old school.

Iron Man Says

2009-01-25T21:18:00.002-06:00

Damn.

It is cold outside.

Luke Skywalker

2009-01-25T00:30:00.005-06:00

...is doing the best with
what he's got.

This Week In The Funny Books: Jan. 21, 2009

2009-01-22T13:19:00.017-06:00

Reviewing everything I buy in any given week probably isn't going to cut it since I barely have the time to read all fifteen issues, much less write about them, so I'm gonna try to focus on the handful of books that really jump out at me *cough* Dark Reign *cough*. Oh, and I think I'm going to buy a scanner, cause there is some goodness that needs to be seen.
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Dark Avengers #1
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Mike Deodato

Everything from the plot down to Deodato's stellar pencils makes this book feel like a spiritual successor to Warren Ellis' run on Thunderbolts, which is most excellent. The Avengers have always been popular in the Marvel U, and now that Osborn (Green Goblin and current savior of humanity) is publicly running the show instead of hiding in Thunderbolts Mountain, things are going to get really interesting.

Also, the team plays host to no less than four psychopaths, so it's gonna be awesome when the shit hits the fan. Oh man, I can't wait for that shit to hit the fan.

War Machine #2
Writer: Greg Pak
Artist: Leonardo Manco

Picture Commando, the badass 1985 opus about a one man war on South American bad people. Now replace Arnie with a man-tank and the South Americans with a bunch of guys that would make Blackwater look a Sunday-schoolers and you have the basic plot for this book. But don't get me wrong, this is not a bad thing. If there's one book that deserves to have it's own heavy metal soundtrack, it's this one. I mean, this is a book where War Machine gets his legs blown off and and replaces them with a tank.

They see me rollin', they hatin'...

Thunderbolts #128
Writer: Andy Diggle
Artist: Robert de la Torre

Finally, Marvel's answer to The Suicide Squad.

Honestly, I haven't read everything Marvel has ever published, but a covert squad of badasses that's answers to Norman Osborn is news to me. Throw in the fact that their first mission is to attack Air Force One and kill the president means this book has "It's the SHIT!!!" written all over it.

Mighty Avengers #21
Writer: Dan Slott
Artist: Khoi Pham

I'm happy to see the real Hank Pym (the new Wasp) doing awesome science shit again. And I'm all for seeing more Hercules and Amadeus Cho. But seriously, what the hell is going on in this comic? While I'm ever-so-slighty intrigued by the Avengers tackling evil on a grand scale, it all happens with no explanation, and since the Scarlet Witch is involved and countless triple-A heroes ate it, I can almost see Slott's finger hovering over the reset button.

Speaking about the Scarlet Witch, where the fuck did she come from? After being gone for a couple years and supposedly not remembering that she was the Scarlet Witch, she just pops out of thin air and decides to go rallying Avengers cause "there comes a day when earth's mightiest must unite against some super-evil shit" or something like that. Anyway, the problem isn't the premise, it's how it's handled. This comic has a very silver-age feel to it, which doesn't seem to gel with the more reality-based modern era.

Also, I gotta give it up for Khoi Pham's artwork. Any artist that can draw a teenage girl that actually looks like a teenage girl is A-OK in my book.

The Amazing Spider-Man #584
Writer: Marc Guggenheim
Artist: John Romita Jr.

I can't be the only one who thinks that Romita Jr. was born to draw Spider-Man comics. The his artwork simply looks amazing (pun intended) and even though Spidey is doing Spidey-stuff for maybe three pages total, you can still see the kinetic energy that JRJR puts into the character.

Oh, you want to hear about the story? BIG disappointment after last week's issue.

It's not that that it's a bad story, it's just that this arc is supposed to answer all the questions we've amassed over the past year. Problem is, I don't care. The mystery of the Spider-Tracer killer isn't all that interesting, I'd actually be pissed if Menace turned out to be Harry Osborn (but who else is there?), and I really don't care who becomes the fictional mayor of fictional New York City. The only plot-thread that's vaguely interesting is Harry's proposal to Lily Hollister, who also happens to have a thing for Peter Parker.

All in all, I really shouldn't judge the arc based on teh first issue, but after waiting this long, I'd like to have some more plot development for my money.

Green Lantern #37
Writer: Geoff Johns
Artist: Ivan Reis

I really don't know where to begin with this book. It's simply amazing. With Green Lantern, Johns continuously proves why he is one of the best writers in the industry and why he's pretty much the architect of the DC Universe. He's been building one upon the developments of the Sinestro Corps War for some time now and it just gets better and better with each issue.

This is the way a superhero comic should be, with excitement brimming at the turn of every page. And with so many new developments occurring on almost a monthly basis, it's almost mind-boggling that Johns has been able to make the introduction of these new ideas as seamless as possible. And as for the story, you know the writer is doing something right when he has you cheering for one of the most ruthless groups of villains in the universe. It's good to see that the year-plus lead up to Blackest Night is paying off in ways that I couldn't have dreamed, but then again, that's why I'm not writing this stuff.
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Alrighty, I think that'll be it for now. I still have a bunch of stuff to read, so check back, I might be updating sometime this weekend.

What Grinds My Gears, Vol. 1

2009-01-20T20:55:00.007-06:00

Toy stores.

I'm sick of going out to buy toys, y'know cause I really need to spend my money on something, only for there to be a serious lack of anything I want.

But maybe it's not the toy stores I need to be bitching about. Maybe it's the stupid kids and their dumb-ass parents that need to be slapped upside the head. Someone's to blame when Walmart has a bigger WWE and Naruto selection than Marvel and DC. And don't get me started about the actual toys they do have on the shelves. I've been buying Mighty Muggs since May and haven't touched the Hulk, what makes anyone think that I would want to buy it now? I want my Hulk to look badass and imposing, not freaking retarded. And as you can see, I'm in serious need of new Muggs.

I could understand not being able to find what I'm looking for at Walmart or Target, but Toys R Us? That's a store that specializes in toys! That's like going to a liquor store and only being able to find McCormick's (which really isn't bad if you run it through a Brita filter 3 or 4 times). Seriously, they always have nothing at Toys R Us. Just look at all the awesome stuff I didn't buy at Toys R Us.

Thank God for comic book stores, otherwise I'd have so much more money in my bank account.

Awesome

2009-01-19T00:45:00.002-06:00

"Meredith: it seems like sometimes his powers are more of a weakness, like the hulk, only hank is a sexy chunk o' man steak and the hulk is green.
Me: lol"

This Week in the Funny Books: Jan 14, 2009 Updated

2009-01-16T04:03:00.015-06:00

For those who aren't familiar with my site, I usually make it to my comic shop every Thursday, so I'll try to get my reviews posted by Friday. Wish me luck!!!

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Amazing Spider-Man #583
Writer: Mark Waid
Artist: Barry Kitson

Forget the so-called Spidey Brain-trust, Mark Waid could write every issue of ASM for the rest of his life and I think I'd be happy. Throw in some awesome artwork and one of the best throw-away lines in recent memory ("There's this place? Near my house? That sells helper monkeys? They are SICK!") and you have a comic that would certainly make Stan Lee proud.

As it turns out, there's also a five page back-up story featuring Barack Obama that was surprisingly good. I mean, sure the idea that a super-villian masked as Obama could become president is ridiculous, but so is Obama fist-bumping Spider-Man. (or is that terrorist fist-jabbing?)

G.I. Joe #1
Writer: Chuck Dixon
Artist: Robert Atkins

I'm not sure what I was expecting out of this comic. It's based on a property that I adored as a kid, yet the memories are far more appealing than revisiting the show. With that said, I'm still undecided about this comic. Given that Dixon is trying to put a more adult spin on the Joe's, I understand that it takes time build a good storyline, rather than simply blowing shit up to advance the plot (which he does poke fun at). But there was still a serious lack of action, save for what can only be called a Snake-Eyes cameo. I'm willing to give this book a chance because it's G.I. Joe, but if these were any other characters, I wouldn't be going back for issue two.

Final Crisis #6
Writer: Grant Morrison
Artists: JG Jones, Carlos Pacheco, Doug Mahnke

Throughout the five previous issues, there was always a feeling that something was missing, mainly because I lack an encyclopedic knowledge of the DC Universe. I mean, who the bloody fuck is Tawky Tawny and why the hell is he fighting Kalibak? (Also, who the fuck is Kalibak?) To add insult to injury, Morrison’s use of a fractured narrative did not make things easier to understand, as he frequently moved from point A to C and then back to B with little to no rhyme or reason. And did I mention that points A, B and C don’t actually occur in the same series? Yea, it’s pretty fucked up when you have to read like ten other titles to begin to understand what’s happening in the main story.

Anyway, here’s the thing, complaints aside: I thought this issue absolutely ROCKED. The story and artwork (regardless of how sloppy it is at times) are surrounded by a manic energy that can’t be compared to. After reading Infinite Crisis, Civil War, and Secret Invasion and others, this is the event comic that I’ve been waiting for. The fight scene between Tawky Tawny and Kalibak that I mentioned earlier is actually pretty badass. Plus Black Adam gets kicked in the face, w00t.

There’s also a scene where Batman goes Clint Eastwood on a god’s ass, which is better than a thousand puppies barking Jingle Bell Rock. This was the Dark Knight’s last stand, by the way, so let’s just say he goes out like a champ.

Action Comics #873
Writer: Geoff Johns
Artist: Pete Woods

It’s a little anti-climactic when Superman, along with the rest of earth’s heroes, faces down one hundred thousand super-powered Kryptonians, only throws one punch, and then the fight ends. Sure the Kryptonians just created their own planet opposite earth’s orbit, and General Zod, in all his awesome-ass glory, shows up at the end, but seriously, that’s how one of the best writer’s in the industry decided to end this ten issue epic?

WEAK

Also, Pete Woods’ artwork looks like ass. I pray that my eyes never have to succumb to such torture again.

Nightwing #152
Writer: Peter Tomasi
Artist: Don Kramer

Then there was this time Nightwing sword-fought Ra's Al Ghul in the desert after Ninja-bowling with the 1960's Batmobile.

EPIC
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That's all for now folks. See you kids next time!!!

Ricardo Montalban - R.I.P.

2009-01-15T00:32:00.002-06:00

Welcome to Fantasy Island indeed.

The juice. The precious juice...

2009-01-12T19:17:00.008-06:00

I saw The Road Warrior for the first time last night... and it was FUCKING SWEET!!!

I mean who doesn't want to romp around in a desert wasteland decked out in leather armor while wrecking chumps with crossbows and boomerangs? And did I mention the gyrocopter? And that the driver hurls snakes at his enemies? Shit yeah he does!

But in all seriousness, if all we need is a little nuclear war for the term "Humungus" to be both feared and revered, I say bring the bitch on.

And I'm Back

2009-01-11T18:22:00.005-06:00

Is it a bit presumptuous to think that anyone truly gives a shit about my wondrous return considering I had, at the most, five readers when I left?

I don't think so.

It's Sunday, and I'm sitting here watching the pre-show for the Golden Globes wondering to myself, "why the hell am I watching the pre-show for the Golden Globes?" So you can tell I have plenty to talk about. All kidding aside, if you're reading this, it's because you Googled something random about comics, or clowns licking meatballs, and stumbled upon my little slice of heaven. So if you're here for the comics, welcome. And if you Googled clowns licking meatballs, what the fuck man, what the fuck.

Anyway, check back soon, I swear I'll have some comics related goodness coming right up. Til next time.

EXCELSIOR!

Oh wait, Megan Fox just called herself a tranny. That's why I'm watching the Golden Globes.

Hiatus Time

2007-04-28T22:57:00.000-05:00

For the two of you out there that actually read my blog, you've probably noticed that I haven't updated in, like, forever. I'm just feeling really lazy and school sucks and my A/C is broken, so I'm probably not going to be updating for a while. In the mean time, enjoy this:

Thanks For The Birthday Wishes!

2007-04-20T00:42:00.000-05:00

Hey all. I just wanted to thank everyone who took time out of their day to wish me a happy birthday and I figured this would be the easiest way to do it. I had a pretty good time today, ate some good food, and had some good alcohol, so overall I'd call today a success. So thanks again everybody!

And just to keep face,

It's On Like Donkey Kong

2007-04-17T17:29:00.000-05:00

This Week In Comics: Apr. 11, 2007

2007-04-14T23:32:00.000-05:00

Iron Man #16
Writers: Daniel & Charles Knauf
Artist: Roberto de la Torre

If you're at all interested in the Iron Man ongoing, you've probably heard from a lot of different web sites that this issue was more C.S.I. than Iron Man: Director of S.H.I.E.L.D., and they're right. Problem is, I don't see this as a waste of an issue. Sure, parts are tedious and seemingly unnecessary, but I think it's presented in this fashion for a reason. As Stark said in the issue, "That's what I do. I run companies." He's never had to talk to families of his employees trying to console them, telling them that the death wasn't in vain. It's certain that Tony's dealt with death in the past, but seldom has he been directly responsible for the lives of those lost. The pages and pages of going over tissue samples and what not are just the Knauf's way of showing that Tony may not be as prepared as he'd like to be in order to run a major military operation. I think this is an important step in the development of Tony Stark's character.

Oh, and the Mandarin's back, w00t.

New Avengers #29
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Leinil Yu

After last month's douche bag move on the part of the Mighty Avengers, it was nice to see that the New Avengers are perfectly capable of fighting dirty. Of course, the question of what the hell Dr. Strange can actually contribute to the team arises. I mean, he uses his magic to conjure the Mighty Avengers worst nightmares (with Tony's being particularly chilling and relevant) but he can't teleport the team to Japan. Or he can teleport the team to Japan but he can't beat Brother Voodoo. F#*$ing Brother Voodoo! Who the f#*$ is Brother Voodoo? I mean, I didn't hate this book, but I'm just not digging Dr. Strange's role because I'm still not exactly sure what he can do. As for the rest of the book, it was OK. I'd like to see some progression beyond "the legal Avengers/Elektra's evil" storyline, because it feels like the title characters have been in the same predicament for the past three issues. And with the "surprise" ending, nest issue better kick some mighty ass.

Punisher War Journal #6
Writer: Matt Fraction
Ariel Olivetti

"I'm going to Mexico, and I'm gonna shoot that guy in the face."

That one line just about sums up everything that is badass about this issue. Matt Fraction is te freakin' man and he continues to prove it every issue. If you're not reading this book, you have no soul and should be shot in the face.

Hulk's Hit List

2007-04-12T14:39:00.000-05:00

Those of you that keep your ears to the ground for new comic book news (like me, for example) may know about a little upcoming event known as World War Hulk.

I don't know about you, but that's some scary shit. Seriously, if that happened, I'd crap my pants.

But I'm not here to talk about what's in my pants. No, today I' talking about Hulk's Hit List.

Sure, this is probably nothing more than a spiffy marketing tool that Marvel is using to draw in outside readers, and I can accept this. My problem is the idea that this image is conveying: that the Hulk is a straight up killer.

I know it's foolish to think that the Hulk has never killed anyone, but I don't think it's foolish to think that he's never killed someone intentionally, especially when dealing with civilians. The key to the Hulk's strength is his rage. The angrier he gets, the stronger he gets. So if the military won't get of his back, or some clandestine group like the Illuminati ships his ass of to some God-forsaken planet, he's gonna be plenty pissed. I get this.

But correct my if I'm wrong: isn't the Hulk supposed to be a hero, albeit a misunderstood one? I understand that Hulk is coming to earth with the intent to make everyone pay, but only two people involved with the "Planet Hulk" situation are on that list. What the hell is Spider-Man and the ever-lovin' blue-eyed Thing doing on that list?

I obviously don't know hw this is going to turn out, but at this point, the idea of the Hulk having a hit list doesn't sit well with me. End transmission.

This Week In Comics: Apr 4, 2007

2007-04-07T18:49:00.000-05:00

Avengers: The Initiative #1
Writer: Dan Slott
Artist: Stefano Caselli

I couldn't be more pleased with this book. In the course of one issue, Slott manages to introduce to several new characters and surprisingly, gives us a reason to care for them. By the end of this story, I was comfortable with the characters. And as quickly as you can say BLAM, he shatters you're perceptions and makes you realize that this series is going to be a lot different from what you were expecting. Over-powered badasses, lovable losers, government conspiracies, and suspense, it's all here. But the it's sense of uncertainty, the sense that anything can happen because we're dealing with mostly new characters, that will keep me coming back.

Detective Comics #831
Writer: Paul Dini
Artist: Don Kramer

Paul Dini is the man, and if you think otherwise, you have no soul. The mastermind behind Batman: The Animated Series continues to prove that he can write some of the best Batman stories around. With far too many stories focusing on the actions/evil nature of Batman's rogues gallery, it's easy to forget that they are people, with feelings and personalities. While I'm not familiar with most of Harley's actions in the DCU proper, it seems as if Dini is going back to Batman: TAS and writing a story that pegs her as someone who really wants to be a good person. We also get to see a flashback that shows Arnold Wesker as someone more than a trouble psychopath, proving that Batman does have one of the most interesting rogue's gallery in all of comicdom. Dini is a great storyteller, so don't let these issues pass you up.

Fallen Son: The Death of Captain America: Wolverine
Writer: Jeph Loeb
Artist: Leinil Yu

In a five-issue mini-series depicting the five stages of grief one goes through when a loved one dies, I can't think of a better person to right this story than Jeph Loeb. With his son passing away less than two years ago, he understands these emotions better than anyone. And it seems fitting that Wolverine would experience denial. With all the crap that Wolverine's been through, it's easy to see why he would think Cap's death was nothing more than a conspiracy. While certain elements in this book seem pointless, such as the inclusion of Daredevil, Loeb manages to tell a tight story. All without the use of a single caption box, so that's definitely a plus.

The Charleston

2007-04-05T22:45:00.000-05:00

Usually I'd be posting comic book reviews that no one reads right about now, but that can wait until tomorrow. In the mean time, here's an awesome video.

People just knew how to jive back in the day.

The United States Government...

2007-04-03T16:02:00.000-05:00

Taking the secret out of secret headquarters since 1999.

This Week In Comics: Mar. 28, 2007

2007-03-30T18:08:00.000-05:00

Action Comics #847
Writer: Dwayne McDuffie
Artist: Renato Guedes

I'm always wary of fill-in issues. They're never really necessary, they don't contribute to the story being put on hold, and they often suck (I'm talkin' Hoover quality). This issue, thankfully, didn't fit the mold. While it's completely unnecessary, McDuffie still makes the story enjoyable. With Supes trapped in the Phantom Zone and General Zod tearing Metropolis a new poopshoot, Ma and Pa Kent fear it's the end of the world, and contrary to popular belief, they won't be fine.

I really liked this story because it did something we don't get to see that often: see the pain that Superman sometime has to go through to save the day. And surrounding this is a nice tale about a man and his son. I've always thought this aspect is important. Sure, Superman is practically a god, but he still has time to remember that he has a family to care for. As for the art, DC sure knocked one out of the park with Guedes. He does a great job showing the humanity in Superman, and shows just how fantastic his life can be at the same time. So while this doesn't but a dent in the big picture, it's worth the read.

Batman #664
Writer: Grant Morrison
Artist: Andy Kubert

After last issue's novella, it's great to see Morrison return to the standard comic format. Comics are a visual medium, after all.

Grant Morrison has the knack for taking a seemingly uninteresting story and making something out of it. Yea, it's a standard "punch this pimp, save that whore" formula, but it works. While I guess I was expecting more from this issue, I can't really complain about it.

As for the end, there's obviously a bigger story tying the events of Morrison's first arc to this one (hell, Batman even says so). So far we've seen one cop dress as Batman and shoot the Joker, and in this issue we supposedly have another cop wearing the uniform, except this guy screams Bane. Put this together with the mystery of the black case book, and we have ourselves something quite interesting. Too bad we'll have to wait until next issue to see what happens.

Fantastic Four #544
Writer: Dwayne McDuffie
Artist: Paul Pelletier

I really, really liked this book. Thank God McDuffie decided to give us a reasonable explanation as to why Black Panther and Storm decided to join the Fantastic Four. And there's plenty of tongue-in-cheek humor and winking at the audience, so that's pretty good. The pace of this book is also excellent. Rather than having to wait several issues to get the story going, we move from the Baxter Building to the Blue Area of the Moon to... someplace in space. Do I know where they are? No, but let me tell you one thing, it sure ain't pretty. Couple this with witty dialogue and excellent artwork, and you have my issue of the week. Can't wait for next month, cuz it looks like this is going to be one sweet ride.

Wolverine #52
Writer: Jeph Loeb
Artist: Simone Bianchi

I still haven't figured out if Wolverine is telling this story after the fact, or if he usually keeps a running narration going when he's trying to kill someone. In either case, the dude thinks way too much.

So we're three issues in and finally, we're at a point where something's about to be revealed. It's just too damn bad that we have to wait another issue to find out what. While I'm still intrigued by the story (this is mainly due to myself liking Wolverine so much), the pacing is horrible. We still don't know anything more about Wolverine and Sabertooth other than what we knew at the beginning of the arc. The inclusion of Storm and Black Panther does add to the story, but it feels more like Loeb was just tossing in the flavors of the month, cause I'm more than certain that the big revelation about the title character could have been revealed without their presence. So now we wait some more. Hopefully, something actually happens next issue so I don't feel like I'm reading Wolverine Origins (now that is one book that sucks nard).

What If Hawkgirl Was A Transformer

2007-03-29T11:41:00.000-05:00

I didn't read this issue. Hell, I don't even know what issue this is. But it has got to be the coolest thing I've seen this week.

Autobots, transform and roll out!!!

Seduction Of The Innocent

2007-03-25T13:41:00.000-05:00

Or hot chicks in black leather? You decide.

Ever since this picture was released in DC's June Solicitations, the internet has been ravished by annoying fanboys speaking their mind about the above cover for Countdown #47, DC's new weekly series starting where 52 left off.

Essentially there are a lot of people that seem upset at what DC is doing to the "beloved" Mary Marvel. Just look at her, isn't she cute?

Personally, I don't have a problem with any changes DC is willing to make. First of all, I don't think I've ever read a comic with Mary Marvel in it, and if it wasn't for the lightning bolt across her chest, I wouldn't even know who she was. Second, isn't it about time this "classic" character undergoes some type of change to make her a more interesting character? I say if bondage gear and electro-stimulation to the boobies are what it takes, then make mine DC.

Anyway, if the fans are worried that this sluttified Mary Marvel could be a bad influence on young girls, just look at the cover for the upcoming Justice League of America #10

and the cover for Superman/Batman #13, which was released a while back.

Thanks to Michael Turner, I think we have two slightly bigger problems than girls in black leather, 'cause I'm fairly certain real women don't look like that.

This Week In Comics: Mar. 21, 2007

2007-03-22T16:02:00.000-05:00

Amazing Spider-Man #539
Writer: J. Michael Straczynski
Artist: Ron Garney

Spider-Man's back in his black costume, and it's about damn time. With all the crap that's happened to Spider-Man lately (Gwen Stacy's goblin babies, Aunt May's other near-death, the Other, HoM, Civil War, and Aunt May being shot), it's not much of a surprise that he's finally snapped. It's great to see Spider-Man finally lash out at the world. There's only so much one man can take. Coming into this issue, I was worried about was the reason behind Spidey donning the black costume, but JMS makes it believable. He's back in black, he means business, and frankly, I feel sorry for all those that have made Spider-Man suffer. I really wasn't impressed with Ron Garney's artwork in his previous issues, but something finally clicked here. It's fast-paced, kinetic, and shows that Spidey means business. I've enjoyed JMS' work in the past, but this is gearing up to be his best work yet, and it should serve as a fitting end to an already great run.

Detective Comics #830
Writer: Stuart Moore
Artist: Andy Clarke

It's funny, but I actually think that not expecting much out of this book let me enjoy it more. Sure, it's not an original story and like I said about the last issue, we know how it was going to end, but that didn't stop Moore from turning this predictable tale into something that was ultimately enjoyable. There were also plenty of little moments that stood out, like Wayne faking an explosion to get away and change into Batman, the shot of Wayne Tower diagramming the locations of Batman, Vox, and Robin, and the similarities between Vox and Batman's mission. There's not really much to say about Clarke's artwork. It was good but not remarkable. Overall, this fill-in story turned out to be better than expected, but I can't wait for Paul Dini's return next month.

Justice Society of America #4
Writer: Geoff Johns
Artist: Dale Eaglesham

I understand that the Justice Society works because of it's importance as a family over it's importance as a super-hero team, and as a result I feel like the ending of this overall great arc fell a little flat. Sure, we were treated to page after page of pure ass-kickery, but Johns seems to have neglected that the Society is interesting because they are a family. Yeah, there were scenes of acceptance and togetherness amongst the chaos, but they didn't really seem to take precedence. I mean, if I want to see heavies beat the crap out of obligatory super-villains, I'll pick up an issue of Justice League. I don't want it to seem like I didn't enjoy this book, because I really did, but it just seems like Johns could have found to end to arc with a bigger focus on the family aspects we've come to enjoy.

Cap's Dead, So What Now?

2007-03-21T19:52:00.000-05:00

By this point, you'd either have to be dead or living under a rock, in a cave, on the moon to not know that Captain America was recently killed. While the true ramifications have yet to be felt within the Marvel Universe, it's hard for some comic book fans to be swayed by this event, because frankly, we know how badly these types of events have been handled in the past. Just look at the death of Superman or the many resurrections of Jean Grey if you need an example.

It's too early to tell how Marvel will be dealing with the death of it's beloved character, but times seem to have changed since the 90s (the dark ages of comics) and real story-telling is actually important again. Therein lies the brilliance behind Cap's death, which served as a real treat to any reader who had been with the book since issue one. With the return and reinvigoration of certain characters like the Red Skull and Bucky, Brubaker was setting the story up for something big, although the reader's had little guess as to what it would be. And by the end of Civil War, there seemed to be little Marvel could do with Cap other than kill him, and that's exactly what they did.

Going back to Bucky, also known as the Winter Soldier, Brubaker has spent the last two and a half years turning him into a character people actually want to read about (too bad DC couldn't do the same with Jason Todd). With the knowledge that Brubaker has been laying the foundation for Cap's death since he began his run, Bucky would seem like the perfect choice to become the new Sentinel of Liberty. But I'm not sure I'd like to see this happen.

Let's be realistic here, this is Bucky we're talking about. This is a character that was officially dead since the mid-sixties. I would like to think that the higher-ups at Marvel have something bigger in store for him than simply becoming the next Captain America. Also, I think it would be a waste of great storytelling opportunities, as it would be interesting to further explore Bucky living in a world he doesn't understand, similar to what was done with Cap in Marvel's Ultimate line.

But Bucky apparently isn't the only option. As seen in pictures released by Marvel, it seems that the Punisher is also in the running.

While Punisher doesn't seem like the obvious choice, considering his objection with not killing super-villains clashes with the ideals of Captain America, War Journal writer Matt Fraction has made is clear in his series that Punisher has a great deal of respect for Cap. And as we all know, respect can go a long way. It may be difficult to see Frank as the new Captain America, but it isn't really difficult to see why he would do it. Sure, I think his costume design is ridiculous, but it would definitely make for an interesting story arc (although it doesn't seem like it as long-lasting appeal).

So Marvel essentially has two options: they somehow resurrect Steve Rogers (the original Captain America) in a way that won't cheapen his death (not bloody likely), or they take a more "DC" approach and have someone else pick up the mantle. Let's hope for the latter.

Do a Barrel Roll

2007-03-21T19:20:00.000-05:00

Words simply escape me.

(And yes, you have to click on the image)

Captain America

2007-03-18T01:20:00.000-05:00

Fuck Yeah!

This Week In Comics: Mar. 14, 2007

2007-03-16T02:26:00.000-05:00

Civil War: The Confession
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev

Moving. Breathtaking. Thought-provoking. The words I can use to describe this story are endless. We get more insight into Tony's reasons for entering this conflict. Bendis lets the reader know that Stark understands that he will be seen as a villain, that if there was some way to prevent the war, he would have tried. But we see that he still believes he was right, that what he did was for the right reasons. It's a shame that this kind of emotion, that the feelings expressed by Iron Man and, to a lesser extent, Captain America were not portrayed during Civil War proper. Maleev's artwork reinforces the emotion in this book, with his artwork perfectly capturing the proper facial expressions, adding the the emotional impact Bendis' script. This could quite possibly be the best issue to be released all year.

Mighty Avengers #1
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Frank Cho

This is actually a hold-over from last week, but it doesn't matter, read this book if you can.

For a number 1, we get the proper mix of action and suspense, along with the obvious introduction to all the team players. What was even more unexpected, although appreciated, was the return of thought balloons. Rather than have the characters narrate everything they are thinking, Bendis uses the thought balloons to reinforce the characters personalities, to show how their mind works as opposed to tellings how it works. Speakig of thought processes, since this was the first Avengers team to ever be picked, it was nice to see the reasoning that went into each choice, although I'm still not sure what role Wonder Man will be playing. Schmoozy power? Not exactly clear on that one, but the other overall choices seem to work. Frank Cho handles the art beautifully, which is great because I wasn't sure what to expect considering his claim to fame is boobies, not battles.

The ending, while a little odd, definitely gives reason to come back for more. So, you know, see you next month.

New Avengers #28
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Leinil Yu

With yet another one of his books on the chopping block this week, Bendis is 3 for 3. This is a good complement to Mighty Avengers because it shows that Bendis has the ability to write two team books that are extremely different from one another. Where Mighty Avengers is a government sanctioned team, the New Avengers are in a much grittier environment. They're not living in Stark Tower anymore, and it shows. It's interesting to see that it's going to be incredibly difficult, if not impossible, for these characters to lead a normal life. You know it's bad when you can't go out and buy milk without having a cop shoot you. Yu's artwork still looks great, but due to it being high energy in nature, it looks a little odd when the Avengers are just standing around, and since this is a Bendis book, you know they'll be standing around a lot. Enjoyable, but distracting none-the-less. This is a good overall read.

Punisher War Journal #5
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Ariel Olivetti

This book is interesting. It's interesting because for the past two issues, Punisher's barely been present, yet the stories are still captivating. From the beat cop who takes "serve and protect" to an all new level to the "scumliness" of G.W. Bridge to the awesomely retarded Bushwhacker, Fraction is creating a world that shows why we need more of the Punisher. Olivetti's art is great even if it's slightly unbelievable (just look at Punisher's arms: they're frickin' huge!). Story-wise, the end ties this book into recent events in the Marvel universe, so it's just a matter of time before we see whether rumors about Capunisher are true. I think it would be cool, at leat for a story arc or two.

This book isn't necessary, but it's damn-well written. I think I'm in love.

Thunderbolts #112
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Mike Deodato, Jr.

I'm still enjoying this series, but it's starting to feel like more of the same. It's hard to care for these characters when you know, and they know, that they are absolutely despicable and don't seem to care. I understand that Ellis is trying to show that anything can be seen positively with enough media spin, but I'm finding it hard to believe that society would be this eager to accept this group of murderers as a new premier group of "superheroes." I do like the conflict between Moonstone (the team leader) and Songbird, and Osborn's "obsession" with Spider-Man, and further insight into Gargan's relationship with the symbiote, but when some of the most interesting aspects only appear "on-screen" for a page or two, we have a problem. I'm intrigued, but it may not be enough to keep me interested past the first arc.

As Long As There Are People Like This Out There...

2007-03-14T12:15:00.000-05:00

Captain America can never really die.

Go Ninja Go Ninja Go!

2007-03-12T13:23:00.000-05:00

With the new TMNT movie coming out in a couple weeks, I thought this blast from the past would be fitting. Vanilla Ice is so cool it hurts.

And You Think Your School Dances Suck...

2007-03-12T01:11:00.000-05:00

This Week In Comics: Mar. 7, 2007

2007-03-08T20:27:00.000-06:00

Bullet Points #5
Writer: J. Michael Straczynski
Artist: Tommy Lee Edwards

I don't know what to say about the end of this mini-series. At some points it seems as if it's nothing more that a glorified What If...?, and at others it seems like it's own beast capable of standing on it's own four legs. Thanks to scribe J. Michael Straczynski, this tale never really feels hackneyed or played-out, but the possibilities for this story seemed endless, and JMS merely took a detour through the road less traveled.

While there were quite a few "shocking" twist as a result of the one bullet that killed Dr. Erskine (the man who invented the super-soldier serum), by this point, the only ones that matter are Reed Richards being the head of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Peter Parker turning into the Hulk. As you can probably tell by the cover, big bad Galactus comes a callin', and of course, everyone's scared shitless. Here's were I begin to disagree with JMS' storyline. If you're trying to craft a tale with the premise that one bullet can change the world, let Galactus win (read: earth buys the farm). Instead, we get the standard "all of earth's heroes and villains team-up to take that big, purple headdress as a trophy, turns out they're still powerless to stop him, and random hero saves to day. Sure, it's a cop out, but like I said, it's still not a bad read.

Captain America #25
Writer: Ed Brubaker
Artist: Steve Epting

I could sit here and write about all the media attention this story is getting. I could sit here and write about this issue going for over $30 on eBay. I could even sit here and write about the fact that people are freaking out over nothing, because we all know Captain America will be back sometime in the next two years, if not sooner. But I'd rather not. Instead, I've decided to write about how well-written and well-orchestrated this issue is.

Nipping on the heels of Civil War, Captain America's death couldn't have come at a better time. Quite frankly, there seemed to be very little that Brubaker could do in it's wake. Sure, he could have busted Cap out of prison, but that would have torn down all that was built-up during Civil War. Or he could have done another "hero in prison" story, but I don't think that would have worked out so well in the Negative Zone. Instead, we get a fitting end to the legacy that is Captain America.

In an exceptionally well written story, we get to see the importance of Captain America from the two most important people in his life, both past and present. Rather than seeming forced, their emotions come of as genuine. Given that this is a death issue, we also get the right amounts of action and intrigue, and we're treated to one hell of a twist at the end. This is a real treat for anyone that's been reading the series since the first issue, because Brubaker has been laying the seed for this event since day one, and it couldn't have been pulled off in a more dignified fashion. This book is well worth the money, but only time will tell if it's well worth the media attention.

Detective Comics #829
Writer: Stuart Moore
Artist: Andy Clarke

There are not many things more annoying than opening up a new issue of Detective Comics and seeing that it wasn't written by Paul Dini. No offense to Stuart Moore, but well... he's not Paul Dini.

There's nothing inherently wrong with this issue, in fact I actually enjoyed some of the dialogue between Bruce and Tim. The problem is that there isn't anything fresh brought to the table. We're given yet another story where Bruce is unable to change into Batman because he's surrounded by civilians while the faceless bad guy rampages on. It's just played out. We know exactly how this story will end. Bruce changes in to Batman, beats the ever-loving crap out of Vox (said faceless villain), and Robin doesn't die (I'm not going to spoil it for you, but that crap on the cover isn't what you want it to be). Regardless, check back next month if you want to see if my predictions come true!

Fantastic Four #543
Writers: Dwayne McDuffie, Stan "The Man" Lee, Paul Pope
Artists: Mike McKone, Nick Dragotta, Paul Pope

It's normal for a reader to get nervous when a new writer takes over an already well-written series. But in the past two issues, Dwayne McDuffie has managed to thrive under the weight of JMS' recent run.

This issue succeeds in serving as an epilogue to Civil War and as the 45th anniversary for Marvel's First Family. McDuffie answers the lingering questions left over the war and sets up where we're going for the next few issues. Sure it may seem a little corny to have Namor and Doctor Doom commenting on relevance of the Fantastic Four, it works given the nature of the story. And while Marvel's been force-feeding us news that Black Panther and Storm would be filling in for Reed and Sue, the big "reveal" doesn't feel forced. Cheesy yes, but not forced. Given the state of the Richards' marriage and great writing by McDuffie, it actually feels like this fictional couple could use a little alone time.

Throw in some great artwork by Mike McKone, two great backup stories by Stan Lee and Paul Pope, and a little "foot meet face" thanks to Torch and Spidey, and you have four dollars well spent.

Justice League of America #6
Writer: Brad Meltzer
Artist: Ed Benes

There are a lot of things going on in this issue. Red Tornado proved that he's still the man, Solomon Grundy proved that he's still a dick, and Vixen finally proved that she's more than just eye-candy (but lets face it, that's what she excels at).

This is an enjoyable issue, but Brad Meltzer upped the confusion by having way too many things going on at the same time. I will admit thought, it is pretty cool to see the League operating as a well-oiled machine, but as with almost any team book, it's hard to give each player equal time in the spotlight. While I care a lot more about Red Tornado now than at the beginning of this arc, I still care a lot more about Superman, Batman, Green Lantern, and hell, even Red Arrow. Speaking of Red Tornado, I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels that he's back to square one. Sure he was baptized by fire, but dies it really matter if he's back to being a robot?

Oh well, it was a good issue, and next month we'll see the new "Hall of Justice," so that's a plus.

Daffy Made Hitler Cry

2007-03-05T13:05:00.000-06:00

I found this video on Youtube a few days ago. Apparently, this Looney Tunes "classic" is banned in the United States, but I really don't know why. Granted, it was made in 1943 as a propaganda piece, but last time I checked Nazis are still considered evil. I mean, it's not saying that all Germans are evil, it's just saying that Nazis, who happened to be German, were* evil. Regardless, I loved it, and for whatever reason, I remember this from some point in my life.

So, for your viewing pleasure, here's Daffy - The Commando.

*The use of italics means I enjoy typing things in italics, nothing more.

Chuck Norris Is The Ultimate Badass

2007-03-03T23:28:00.000-06:00

This pretty much speaks for itself.

You know, I heard Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light, not because he's afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

This Week In Comics: Feb. 28, 2007

2007-03-01T19:53:00.000-06:00

Action Comics #846
Writers: Geoff Johns & Richard Donner
Artist: Adam Kubert

Forget kneeling before Zod. After reading this issue, I was literally shaking in my booties.

The book starts out with Zod, Ursa, Non in the Fortress of Solitude. And from these first few pages, we learn why Zod and company hate Jor-El, thus leading to their hatred of Superman. What's great about this portrayal is that it isn't a rehash of the character(s) from the Superman movies. Zod is no longer a military madman who wanted to rule Krypton. He wanted to save his planet, and because of Jor-El's actions (or inactions) he was unable to do so, and the rest is history. Ursa also seems to have a more active role, and if you read Action Comics Annual #10, you know that Non is much more than the monosyllabic brute he once was.

Another great thing about this issue is the lack of down time. Less than two full pages after we leave Zod at the Fortress, the action begins, making up for the fact that this is the third issue in an arc that started in October. The three antagonists are as powerful as Superman and they aren't afraid to show it. With the rest of the Phantom Zone villains making an appearance (props to Jax-Ur, I actually remember him from the animated series), we know Superman's boned, cause the shit has already hit the fan. Ending with a chilling final page, it's a damn shame that we won't see the next issue in this arc until sometime in June (hopefully).

Civil War: Frontline #11
Writer: Paul Jenkins
Artist: Ramon Bachs

I enjoyed this issue, but is it a case of too little too late?

Throughout Civil War, there were two ways you could look at the event: as a resident of the Marvel Universe, or as a fan. As a resident of the MU, I understand the need for the superhuman registration act. From this standpoint, the SHRA is a no-brainer. And this point was brought across quite poignantly in this issue through Sally Floyd, much to Captain America's dismay, but it needed to be said. Now as a fan, I rallied behind Cap and his troops. I wanted him to win, because let's face, Iron Man was portrayed as a villain, whether it was intentional or unintentional. Jenkins finally addresses this issue, and frankly, if this was said during the event itself, Stark would be seen in a totally different light.

If you had been following this series, you were probably annoyed with certain aspects of the last couple issues. For months we were teased with a "big revelation" that would change the way we saw Stark. And for the most part, Jenkins did deliver. While the actions portrayed in Civil war were pretty black and white, what we learn here can only be expressed as shades of gray. While some may view Stark's actions as careless, I see it as a testament to the faith he had in himself and his colleagues, and that he was willing to do whatever it took to do what he believed in. When all is said and done, it looks like Iron Man and Captain America really aren't that different.

Iron Man #15
Writers: Daniel & Charles Knauf
Artist: Roberto de la Torre

I had second thoughts about buying this issue. But after reading it, I'm sure glad I did.

"It started with the suggestion box outside the cafeteria..."

Suggestions boxes, gourmet chefs, casual Fridays, and on-board daycare. It takes a special kind of man to do this of the most badass organizations in the Marvel Universe, and that man is Tony Stark. After reading that Stark had become the head of S.H.I.E.L.D. in the pages of Civil War (lets face it, it really wasn't that much of a surprise), I was uncertain about the direction his book would be taking, especially after reading the lackluster tie-ins. Thankfully, the Knauf brothers didn't shy away from Stark's duties, and gave us a story full of promise. We're given a great issue that shows the kind of potential that a post-Civil War MU has in store for us. I'm also glad that, contrary to what we got out of Mark Millar, Maria Hill hasn't (yet) been reduced to Stark's lap dog. While she's obviously at odds with Stark, it's nice to see that she isn't being completely humiliated.

Justice #10
Writers: Jim Krueger & Alex Ross
Artist: Alex Ross

I don't really have that much to say about this comic. Basically, I bought it because it's pretty.

The story is serviceable, but it just doesn't have the impact as previous issues in this series. While I really don't have any problems with this book, because Alex Ross is infatuated with the Silver-Age versions of these characters, it's almost hard to care. Note I said almost. I still care. As for the art, Alex Ross does an awesome job as always, but it felt a little jumbled this issue.

Wolverine #51
Writer: Jeph Loeb
Artist: Simone Bianchi

Good God Damn Wolverine has some huge claws. It seriously doesn't even make sense. Do you see the cover? It's like he has katanas shooting out of his forearms!

But seriously, this issue is more of the same. Bianchi's artwork is great as usual, but Loeb's voiceover work is just a tad bit much. Someone has seriously got to but a moratorium on Wolverine internally contemplating about either how badass he is or how troubled he is. In either case, we've heard it before.

There's nothing necessarily bad with this issue, but I think that for an arc focusing on two of the most viscous men in the MU, there should be more blood and guts (and spit and ass too!). The explosions are pretty though, and that's always cool. That aside, we essentially move nowhere fast. We still don't know anything about the Lupines (and neither does Wolverine), Sabertooth and Logan still haven't killed each other, and according to the last page, we have a Harry Potter situation of our hands. Overall, this is a fun but pointless read.

Damn I'm Tired

2007-02-26T18:45:00.000-06:00

I am feeling incredibly lazy today. I don't know what it is. I suppose it could be the lack of sleep, but can you really can getting six hours the night before a test a "lack of sleep"? I'm not sure and frankly, I don't care enough to figure it out.

I love the classics. That hilarious... and I didn't even have to do anything to it.

It's Raining Men!

2007-02-24T15:13:00.000-06:00

This Week In Comics: Feb. 21, 2007

2007-02-21T20:38:00.000-06:00

Amazing Spider-Man #538
Writer: J. Michael Straczynski
Artist: Ron Garney

"The War at Home" finally comes to an end, and it sure does end with a bang! Well, not really.

I wish I could honestly say that this issue was the perfect ending to this story arc, but frankly, it wasn't. While I understand that the events portrayed on the last page will greatly impact Peter's life, I feel that it could have been handled better. ASM #537 ended with a cliffhanger, which was fine for that issue. But to have another issue, the final issue of the arc, end in a cliffhanger just doesn't sit well with me.

With that out of the way, I can get to where JMS truly succeeds. This issue acts as a perfect companion piece to the ending of Civil War. In an excellent soliloquy, we get a chance to see how Peter feels about the recent events, and JMS doesn't disappoint. Now on the the art side of things, Garney is doing a sufficient job, but there is something about the art that I find distracting. I can't really but my finger on it, but this isn't going to stop me from continuing with this series, especially since "Back in Black" has officially kicked off.

Civil War #7
Writer: Mark Millar
Artist: Steve McNiven

Well, the end is finally here. After ten long months, the long awaited finale to Civil War has been shipped.

This issue might not be what a majority of fans are expecting. While there is fighting, and McNiven does make it look incredible, some may be disappointed in what may seem to be a tame ending. This is not a problem for me. After sticking with this series, I don't think Millar could have crafted a more suitable ending without compromising that the nature of the characters involved. This ending works because it's believable. Some may find the ending to be too sappy, but I think it's refreshing to see an optimistic future looming ahead.

As I said before, McNiven's art plays just as big a role as the characters in the story. Seeing characters like Spider-Man bouncing around and completely kicking ass in front of the beautiful backgrounds is a joy to behold.

I really enjoyed this series. While delays and over-hyping have plagued Civil War, this really is one of the best events I have ever read. Mark Millar and company really crafted a well written story that will have impact on future books in the Marvel Universe for years to come. But when all is said and done, the ball is in Marvel's court. They can either produce follow-up books that honor the ideals instilled by this series, or it can resort to a return to the status quo, cheapening the impact of these seven issues. Personally, I can't wait to see what Marvel has in store for us, because if it's anything like Civil War, it's going to be phenomenal.

Immortal Iron Fist #3
Writers: Ed Brubaker & Matt Fraction
Artist: David Aja

This series is amazing, especially considering that Iron Fist was practically a C-list character since he was created in the 70s. But Brubaker and Fraction have managed to turn Iron Fist into one of the most interesting characters in the Marvel Universe. This book isn't dealing with any world changing events, or grandiose plots, but that doesn't mean this isn't an excellent read.

There are essentially two major plots in this series: the legacy of the Iron Fist, and the story of Danny dealing with the future of his father's company, the threat of Hydra, and the man who trained his father. These two plots are slowly becoming intertwined, mixing in a very interesting way. While this book is in no way necessary to understand the future of the MU, add this one to your pull list, you won't be disappointed.

New Avengers Illuminati #2
Writers: Brian Michael Bendis & Brian Reed
Artist: Jim Cheung

Simply amazing. Instead of writing a book that focuses on the here and now, Bendis and Reed take the opportunity to tell the story of how six of the most important men in the Marvel Universe have impacted six events. With a focus on Mr. Fantastic, Iron Man, Professor X, Dr. Strange, the Sub-Mariner, and Black Bolt, you would think that these men could do no wrong, but they make mistakes, and more importantly, actually seem human.

The action is there, but the attitude of these men is what sells the story, along with the dialogue and witty banter. It's fun to see Namor, one of the biggest pricks in the MU, actually scared of the ramifications of having the Infinity Gems. We also see some great character moments, my favorite being the Thing and Torch's reactions to Reed's "zany" experiment.

Punisher War Journal #4
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Mike Deodato, Jr.

The Punisher is back in the Marvel Universe, and he has been missed.

After Stilt-Man was aced by the Punisher back in issue 1, his friends decide to gather in his honor, reminiscing about the "good ol' days," where good guys were good guys, bad guys were bad guys, and most importantly, it was all about "good, clean fun." We get to see a huge number of "classic" villains, trading war stories in honor of their fallen comrade.

I thought this book was absolutely hilarious. The laughs start early on and they don't let up until the explosive ending. Here we get to see the Punisher that we know and love in action and trust me, it's just as cold-blooded as you would expect. I was worried that this series would fail in the wake of Civil War, but it hasn't, and hopefully, Fraction keeps up the pace. Deodato serves as the artist for this issue, and it's different than Olivetti's regular artwork, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Silent War #2
Writer: David Hine
Artist: Frazier Irving

You'd think that this series would have come and gone by now, considering it deals with fallout from Son of M, which ended at least a year ago. But that doesn't make it any less impactful.

Now that the Inhumans have retaliated against the United States for their confiscation of the Terrigen Mists, it's clear that Black Bolt wasn't prepared for the ramifications. As a result we witness a chilling scene between Black Bolt and his brother Maximus, and we finally get to see the Sentry do something besides brood and look pretty. We are also treated to a rather creepy ending featuring none other than resident jerkwad, Quicksilver. I can't wait for the next issue.

The writing is excellent, the art really stands out. Irving's dark and dreary artwork perfectly captures Black Bolt's emotions, which is essential because Bolt is a silent character. Great stuff.

United Nations FTW!

2007-02-19T23:51:00.000-06:00

Not too long ago, the United Nations decided to change the world-wide symbol for "Hazard: Radiation.

I guess this might work for some people, but when I look at this sign, all I see is "In case of high winds, run, for death in eminent."

On Needlepoint, White Rapping, And, Oh Yea, Comics

2007-02-18T19:52:00.000-06:00

Rob Liefeld, quite possibly one of the most despised men in comics, posted this video on YouTube a few days ago regarding the status of Onslaught Reborn #3. Can be I be the first to say who cares?

Hey Rob, maybe while you're working on your needlepoint and rapping skills, you can thrown in some video editing. Unless you were aiming to get a few laughs, cause seriously, I laughed so hard I almost cried.

It funny, no matter how "refined" his artwork has become...

I'll always remember Liefeld for this fantastic piece of work.

Wasted Days

2007-02-18T02:01:00.000-06:00

I jut wasted two and a half hours of my life watching the 100 Greatest One Hit Wonders on VH1. Turns out it was The Macarena. I'll just make things easier and shoot myself now, cause it surely can't get any better than this.

Be Careful About Those You Touch

2007-02-16T12:46:00.000-06:00

With Valentine's Day falling in the middle of the week this year, I feel I should pass along this hilarious warning.

So watch what you do with your hands (or other extremities), it may have dire consequences.

This Week In Comics: Feb. 14, 2007

2007-02-15T17:26:00.000-06:00

Astonishing X-Men #20
Writer: Joss Whedon
Artist: John Cassaday

Another solid issue, and this may be the books biggest flaw. While the story is extremely well-written, and has its share of great moments, it does nothing more than reinforce what we already know: something big is going to happen and Colossus is going to be at the center of it.

That aside, I love this book for the little moments. We actually see Colossus address the fact that even though he is at the center of this story, not too long ago he was back on earth, and dead. Colossus may find this odd, I just see it as proof that Whedon actually knows what he's doing and just isn't pulling stories out of his ass.

And finally, someone took the initiative to portray Wolverine as an actual character, rather than the uber-powerful, indestructible killing machine portrayed by other writers. His scenes with "Armor" are some of the best in this book.

As always, Cassaday's art was great. Don't be shy, pick this book up. You know you want to.

Batman #663
Writer: Grant Morrison
Artist: John Van Fleet

One of the best Joker stories ever written. And yes, I have read The Killing Joke.

What make this book work is that it isn't written in the traditional comic book format (text balloons, sequential art, etc.), but is written in prose format. By doing this, Morrison is able to delve deeper into Joker's psyche, allowing the reader to actually read what he is thinking, rather than merely extrapolating it through the art work. Yes, I know this takes away some of what makes comics great, but with a story this good, I'm willing to let that slide. While the story is great, Morrison does go overboard with his use of metaphors and similes, resulting in over dramatization. It drives the point home, but it could have been toned down a bit.

Now on to the art. I would have loved to see Andy Kubert tackle the artwork for this story, but DC decided to call in guest-artist John Van Fleet, whose 3D artwork is very hit or miss. For the most part, the backgrounds works, but when actual characters appear, things start to look too "plasticky." But this shouldn't stop you from reading this issue. I wouldn't be surprised to see this take the "Best Stand-alone Issue of the Year" award.

Justice Society of America #3
Writer: Geoff Johns
Artist: Dale Eaglesham

After last issue's phenomenal ending, I was thinking it would be damned near impossible to follow it with something equally shocking. Sadly I was right, yet this book is still one of the best, if not the best, book on store shelves, serving as a testament to how great a writer Geoff Johns actually is.

The reason I love this book so much is that prior to this series, I hardly knew anything about these characters, other than the fact that they did indeed exist. But within the span of three issues, not only am I interested in what happens to them, I actually care about these characters. Although I'm not quite sure where this series is headed, or why the newly revealed bad guy is so much of a threat, I have faith that Johns won't lead me astray.

As for Eaglesham, absolutely phenomenal. He seems to be setting himself up to become one of the premier artists of the DC camp. And I can't go on with out mentioning Alex Ross' amazing work as the cover artist. If you don't think Cyclone looks beautiful, you're either blind or gay. Or a girl, I guess.

Thunderbolts #111
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Mike Deodato, Jr.

While I did enjoy first issue of this story arc, I wasn't completely sold on the idea. I debated with myself about getting this book and finally caved. Thankfully, I was not disappointed.

In a post-Superhuman Registration Act world, the government has (re)formed a team of super-villains, using them to bring in unregistered superhumans. After reading this, your first question may be "how can the the general public be fine with the government using these known criminals?" Answering this question is exactly where this book succeeds. Warren Ellis convincingly shows that when enough "spin" is applied, almost any situation, no matter how bad it looks, can be portrayed in a positive manner. Note that I said "almost." In what I see as a brilliant move, Ellis admits that there isn't enough spin in the world to make a villain as despicable as Bullseye likable. And when Bullseye finally makes his appearance, trust me, it's worth the wait. Justice like lightning indeed.

Deodato's artwork adds that extra layer of "oomph" to the book. His fight scenes are a pleasure to watch, adding just the right amounts of kinetic energy to the story.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book, but after reading this, I'm left with one question: Am I the only one that didn't know the Scarlet Spider was still active?

Happy Valentines Day!

2007-02-14T12:23:00.000-06:00

Seriously Now

2007-02-13T11:00:00.000-06:00

What?!? I guess Lois decided that the "Man of Steel" wasn't man enough for her.

The text in this panel is hilarious, but the it's the art that really sells it. Lets take a closer look.

Seriously, do I even want to know what happened last night?

It Begins

2007-02-12T12:13:00.000-06:00

With Valentine's Day being around the corner, I thought a few love-themed posts would be appropriate.

I honestly don't know what I find funnier: Batman shamelessly expressing his desire for another woman when he has a girl named "Julie" back home, or Robin's expression. Just look at him. It's a mix between the pre-teen "girls are icky" stage and a homo erotic "I thought I was the only boy for Batman" look.

By golly was the Golden Age fucked up.

Awesomeness

2007-02-10T16:34:00.000-06:00

I got the coolest thing in the mail this morning. A trial pair of Pampers. So I'm gonna try this baby out. See y'all in Orlando, I'll tell you how everything goes!

This Week In Comics: Feb. 7, 2007

2007-02-09T14:10:00.000-06:00

Today I start what I hope becomes a tradition around this blog. Anyone who knows me can tell that I love comics books, so it's only fitting that I use this space to give my view on some of today's latest and greatest funny books. Hopefully this will become a regular addition to the blog. So without further ado, here we go.

Bullet Points #4
Writer: J. Michael Straczynski
Art: Tommy Lee Edwards

While I'm enjoying the story thus far, my biggest problem is that it's nothing more than a glorified "What if?". I was intrigued by the premise of this mini-series, but with Steve Rogers as Iron Man, Peter Parker as the Hulk, Reed Richards as the head of S.H.I.E.L.D., and so forth, there just isn't enough change for my taste. I do find it interesting that JMS has finally addressed something that was bothering me since the beginning. It turns out that the single bullet that changed the lives of the aforementioned didn't affect everyone in the Marvel Universe, and as the final page shows, my last statement doesn't only resonate throughout Earth. Based on this, I'll be waiting to see how this mini ends.

Detective Comics #828
Writer: Paul Dini
Art: Don Kramer and Wayne Faucher
Cover: Simone Bianchi

I love what Paul Dini is doing with this series. It's as if he's channeling the best aspects of Batman: TAS, sticking to a "one story per issue" format that works because the stories remain fresh by introducing a new villain every issue. I'm also intrigued by the way Dini is portraying the Riddler. Since Infinite Crisis, the Riddler's become one of the most famous detectives in Gotham City, second only to Batman himself. I love that this new portrayal is proving to be a great foil to the mystique of the Dark Knight, showing that while Batman is still is a great detective, he isn't the only man for the job. The art in this book is serviceable, but nothing to write home to mom about. And, as always, Simone Bianchi does a tremendous job on the cover art.

Irredeemable Ant-Man
Writer: Robert Kirkman
Art: Phil Hester

The tag-line "The World's Most Unlikable Super-Hero" doesn't do the new Ant-Men justice; he quite honestly may be the world's most unlikable person. Seriously folks, this guy is a giant asshole. But you know what? I don't see myself not reading about him any time soon. While Kirkman is doing a phenomenal job at making me care about the new Ant-Man, he also has the ability to make even the mundane seem extra-ordinary. Throw in a twist that may make life difficult for our hero and great artwork (especially the shadowing), and you have a recipe for success.

New Avengers #27
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Art: Leinil Francis Yu

After reading this issue, I've come to the realization that the Marvel Universe needs more team books. With the last five or so issues focusing more on individuals characters, it's really nice to see Bendis returning to the team aspect that we've come to love. While the story starts of with the "origin" of Ronin, it quickly jumps into an action-packed sequence showcasing all of the New New Avengers. I really do love this book. The artwork is great. And the dialogue is great, ezpecially the banter between Spider-Man, and well, everyone else. Pick this one up, you will not be disappointed.

Spider-Man: Reign #3
Writer: Kaare Andrews
Art: Kaare Andrews

After reading the first two issues, I was ready to write this one off as The Dark Knight Returns Lite. But after reading this issue, I'm starting to think that my original assumption was wrong. While the reintroduction of an old villain was obviously a shock, we're three issues into a four issue mini-series and we have yet to see how the happenings of the rest of the world are affecting Peter Parker (read: the title character). Obviously, Andrews has some sort of plan to end this series, I just hope he'll be able to pull it off without ruining a good thing.

Ultimate Spider-Man
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Art: Mark Bagley

Now this is the way to end a story arc. Bendis managed to take one of the most hated storylines from the 90s (the dark ages) and actually made it very, very enjoyable. This is a phenomenal, emotionally-driven story that marks the end to one of the best arcs in USM history. Frankly, if this series ended with this issue, it would the end of an incredible run. My only concern is with the plot of the next arc. There is a possibility that Bendis won't be able to match this story, given that Spider-Man is at his best when Peter Parker is the front-runner.

Why Superman Why

2007-02-08T13:34:00.000-06:00

While I know there isn't anything wrong with the cover for Action Comics #457, something about it called out to me.

So I took the liberty and put my own spin on it.

If this upsets anyone, don't blame me. Whoever originally drew that cover was just asking for something like this to happen.

Riddle Me This.

2007-02-07T20:37:00.001-06:00

Riddle me that.
Who's afraid of the big black Bat?

I am. That's for damn sure.

You see that guy he just punched? There is no doubt about it. That fucker is dead. AND he's happy about it. You can't get any scarier than that.

Well, maybe you can.

What The Hell Were They Thinking?

2007-02-06T11:11:00.000-06:00

bon·er (bō'nər) -
1) n. Informal A blunder or an error.
2) n. Vulgar Slang An erection of the penis.

Given that the Batman comics produced during the 1940s and 50s were written during a so-called "age of innocence," I still have to ask what the hell were the writers thinking. I must admit that I'm not up to date on all my 1950s slang, but I find it very hard to believe that the term "boner" wasn't used in the same context that it's used today.

Here are a few scans of "boner emphasis" taken from the pages of Batman and possibly Detective Comics. So take a look at them. They're in no particular order, and I'm not even sure that they're all from the same comic.

Also, I'm not even going to try to look at them in context. Enjoy!

First of all, who the hell emphasizes boners? And why the hell would that give Joker an idea for "a new adventure in crime"? Who talks like that anyway? Frankly I feel sorry for the citizens of Gotham, having to rue boners and all...

This just disturbs me. Now Joker's "boner crimes" are terrorizing the city. Even if I were to use the non-vulgar definition of the word, can someone please tell me what a blunder or an error crime is? And while it's nice to see that Gordon is worried about the boner Joker is readying for Batman, I'm a little worried as to why Batman's not concerned. Robin's taking the news like a champ too. Interesting...

He's trying to force you into a boner? You need to study the greatest boners of all time? Man, these guys couldn't be straight if a naked Catwoman was sitting on their face.

Rather than trying to make some joke about Joker pulling the boner of the year, I'm going to take the high road. What kind of sound effect is "WUXTRY!"? Is that the sound made when Joker pulls the boner of the year?

...

Wow, I couldn't even go one line with out going for the obvious. Oh well, on to the last picture.

I don't know what I find funnier, people laughing at Joker's boner, or people chortling at Joker's boner? Either way, I'm not even sure why Joker's pissed. Isn't he a clown? I thought any chortling was better than no chortling...

And there you have it. I think I'll take a shower now. I suddenly feel very, very dirty.

Only Slightly Disturbing

2007-02-04T02:11:00.000-06:00

For Aunt May's sake, I hope that is web fluid... I don't think her poor heart could tak it being anything else.

My Black Son

2007-01-31T16:24:00.000-06:00

Hey all, I'm back. Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've been pretty busy (read: lazy).

So I don't know how many of you actually watch Family Guy on Sundays, but this weeks' episode was pretty good. You have just to love everything that comes out of Peter's head. Without further ado, here's My Black Son, a great spoof that practically channels half the sitcoms ever produced in the 80s.

This clip got me thinking, why exactly was watching the adventures of a white family and their black kid so appealing? I think, nay hope, the meeting that gave the green-light to this type of show went something like this:

Head Exec: Ok troops, we need a new, hip TV show, and we need it fast. Any ideas?
Exec 1: How about a small-town family trying to make it in the big city?
Head Exec: It's been done.
Exec 2: How about Teenagers, but get this, they're in love!
Head Exec: Wow, that was uninspired. Next!
Exec 3: The adventures of a guy who just learned he has a long-lost son.
Head Exec: ...
Exec 3: Did I mention the kid is black?
Head Exec: Holy shit that's brilliant! Sheila, get me the president of the network.
Exec 4: Wait, um, sir. I have an idea.
Head Exec: *sigh* Fine Johnson, go ahead.
Johnson: Imagine, if you will, a walking carpet that teaches a family to love through his zany antics.
Head Exec: ...
Johnson: Uhh, did I mention the carpet is from space?
Head Exec: Brilliant!

Yup. Just like that. Truly inspired, this one is.

Wowwee! It's Spider-Sapien

2007-01-27T22:20:00.000-06:00

Cool, huh?

This Makes Me Sad

2007-01-26T17:10:00.000-06:00

Really, really sad.

This, my friends, is true dedication to ones hobby. Do you see how many systems this guy has? It's absolutely mind boggling. First of all, the amount of money it took to acquire all these systems must have been astronomical. Second, I think I'm actually jealous. But then again, I wonder if the owner of this impressive gaming set-up even knows what the sky looks like.

And I hope he got the Wii he wanted, cause I'm having a heck of a time finding one. Although there seems to be an abundance of PS3s... and he doesn't seem to want one... hmm, interesting...

In other news, just to show that Apple will eventually take over the world, check out the iHome.

Now while this isn't an official Apple product, this is the epitome of dedication to a brand name.

And to think I actually wanted to buy a Zune.

Manliness

2007-01-25T11:09:00.000-06:00

You know, I was going to post something deep and meaningful about stupid people, but I decided to go with this instead. It's got to be the manliest video I have ever seen.

Every punch Rocky has ever taken through Rocky V

We love you Rocky!!!

Bod by Zod

2007-01-23T23:21:00.000-06:00

Even your Superman cannot save you from the rippling abs and tight buns produced by the Bod by Zod workout.

KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

I Want an iBoy

2007-01-21T19:25:00.000-06:00

Is that not the coolest thing you have ever seen? I have an oldschool Gameboy somewhere around the house. If someone is willing to donate a 60 gig iPod I'll gladly use it to make one for myself.

And if anyone is brave enough to try it for themselves, here's a flickr photoset describing the process.

For All Who Burn When They Crusade

2007-01-21T02:46:00.000-06:00

Here's an awesome Coke commercial I found from Japan.

I fucking love Japan. You just can't find this stuff in the States. Seriously, do you ever think Coke would use World of Warcraft to advertise their product? I didn't think so.

Funny thing is, I didn't think people in Japan actually played WoW, at least not legitimate players, but as gold farmers for "legitimate" players in the US. Or am I thinking about the Chinese?

Long Live the Crack Spider

2007-01-19T18:18:00.000-06:00

Thanks to a gnat friend of mine, I sound this awesome video.

Enjoy.

Five Minutes to Midnight

2007-01-19T02:34:00.000-06:00

For those of you that don't pay attention to the news, I thought it was important to note that CNN recently reported the Doomsday Clock has been set to *gasp* five minutes to midnight. Just to add to the reality of the situation, I'd like to say I've already crapped my pants... twice.

See. Scary.

So inter-galactic super pimp Stephen Hawking and his Science Squadron have decided humanity has failed (yet again) to successfully contain the threat of nuclear war. Some might say it's because we have the bomb. I just blame North Korea (good job ya sons o' bitches!).

We have also apparently failed make electric cars conventional and control the weather to do our bidding, thus environmental concerns have been added to the equation. Sure, it's easy to blame our gas-guzzling cars. I say it's easier to blame Al Gore (he did invent Global Warming after all). But seriously, can't we just nuke the weather, it would make things easier.

In reality folks, I don't see anyone accurately being able to predict the end of the world. The Bible couldn't do it, Nostradamus couldn't do it, and I'm pretty sure the boys at the University of Chicago can't do it. Tough break fellas.

As you can see, I'm really concerned about the end of the world...

I just hope no one tries to peg all the blame on me.

I Really (blank) Sony

2007-01-16T17:31:00.000-06:00

Sticking to my previous theme, I have to say that I really hate this commercial.

I just think it fails on so many levels. Why would Sony advertise a portable gaming system without showcasing the games? Then they use these ultra-hip entities to convey the need to own one of these devices. I have to buy one now, because if my (nonexistent) girlfriend one day decides to do something mysterious/romantic, I'm more than sure she's going to reach for a PSP and utilize it for her sexy game of cat and mouse.

Sure, there's the argument that I should get a PSP because it can do so much more than play games. And it's true. It can play movies on a format that's quickly becoming defunct. And after a string of crappy games, one of the biggest draws is the ability to load SNES and Genesis emulators onto the memory stick. Yes, that makes me want to give Sony $250.

But on a different note, Sony has made some really awesome commercials in the past.

Sadly, that monkey passed away a few days ago at the ripe old age of 29. But it doesn't hurt to remember him, because the brilliance behind this commercial is that it subtly shows the viewer why you might want a Walkman forcing "cool" down the viewer's throat.

Best. Commercial. EVER.

2007-01-15T20:18:00.000-06:00

So I'm up around 4 o'clock Monday morning fulfilling my fanboy fantasies (thank you Betty Badass) and I came across the best commercial I have ever seen. Thank you Bruce Campbell. And thank you Old Spice for giving me Bruce Campbell on my TV.

Hail to the King Baby!

Poor Kids...

2007-01-14T13:23:00.000-06:00

Obviously I wasn't able to attend the spectacle that is CES 2007 (if I did, I definitely wouldn't waste my time talking about random super-heroes and their lame powers). But thanks to the internet and the magical device known as a digital camera, I've been able to enjoy the show at home. In my perusing of the internet, I came across this picture.

All I have to say is, poor kids. It's obvious that any anti-stroller decree is also an anti-children decree, so that sucks for parents and their loved ones. But I do understand the necessity to limit the amount of running and screaming children (as if you'd actually be able to hear their screams on the show floor). It's their reasoning that escapes me. How many kids have actually been walloped by the briefcases of speed-walking business men?

It reminds me of this sign.

I would kill to know how many times people in wheelchairs have rolled down that hill only to eaten by an alligator. Sadly, I bet it's more often than not. People can be pretty dumb most of the time...

Ahhh... Perfection

2007-01-13T02:53:00.000-06:00

Just a quick note friends, I seem to have perfected my Lightsabering via Photoshop. Scroll down to see my previous try.

Enjoy!

God Damn Wonder Twins

2007-01-11T23:31:00.000-06:00

I know I've touched on this subject before, but I really really hate the Wonder Twins. Just look at them!!! I know they're a product of the 1970's, but honestly, did anyone ever think they were cool?

C'mon now, seriously, purple jumpsuits?!? Or maybe they're speed suits (I'll be happy if you get that reference).

And their powers, oh God their powers. The female wonder twin has a cool power, in theory. In execution, it absolutely sucks. How effective is a useless-looking camel, or a smiling polar bear? If you're going to turn into a bear, at least maul someone, don't just stand their looking stupid. And the male wonder twin. His power is just plain useless. "Ooh, look at me. Form of bucket of water." Scary! A sponge could kick his ass, and it doesn't even have to be an evil sponge!

Oh well, I found this cool picture. Finally Gleek is doing something cool.

And you see the Twins on the left? Yea, I went there.

Ice Breath? WTF?!?

2007-01-10T23:24:00.000-06:00

I like Superman. I like his powers. I like his look. And when he's written well, I really like his stories. But one thing I've never quite understood is his "super ice breath." I get his heat vision. It's easy to understand that when he gets really pissed, he shoots hot red out of his eyes.

See. That is one pissed off Kryptonian.

But who the hell are you supposed to fight with ice breath? I mean, you can only fight water monsters so often. Not only that, where the hell do you find water monsters in the first place. And if they are made of water, I'm pretty sure the heat vision will take care of it (thank God for evaporation).

Overall, I think ice breath is stupid. That, and Captain Cold.

What a tool.

I Am Such A Geek

2007-01-10T03:43:00.000-06:00

As a matter of fact, I think huge may be too small a word to encompass the magnitude of "geek"-titude (ha, that kinda rhymes). But Seriously folks, being able to transform this

Into this

Has made me extremely happy. Like, happy... in my pants. I'll let that sink in.

Scratch that, did I say I'm a geek, cause what I really meant was I'm fucking awesome.

Good Job NASA

2007-01-09T01:13:00.000-06:00

I'm watching the news today and there's a report about a NASA scientist claiming there may have been life on Mars. Now this in itself isn't really shocking, as many people believed that there was life on Mars millions of years ago. What made this particular report interesting was that the supposed "Martians" actually went extinct thirty years ago. *GASP*

Apparently, when a mars probe landed thirty years ago, it found life... and then inadvertently killed it. That's just awesome. We mere humans managed to annihilate an entire planet using our inferior technology. I might even go as far to say that we kicked Martian ass. Just for my own sake, I really hope it went down like this:

Earth: 1, Space: 0 - And boom goes the dynamite...

Merry Belated Christmas From Marvel

2007-01-06T15:10:00.000-06:00

In all honesty, I'm really posting this for myself because I know there might be only one other person besides me who would get a kick out of this (one if I'm lucky). It's a Christmas song performed by Marvel's Editor-in-Chief Joe Quesada along with others on the editorial staff. Enjoy.

Bring on the French Revolution

2007-01-06T02:47:00.000-06:00

They often say that we should learn history because those who don't are doomed to repeat it. That's why I spent the better part of today fighting the French Revolution. Irony is, I didn't learn anything. That's why I'll be re-fighting the French Revolution for the better part of tomorrow. If you're in the Sugar Land area, I'll be at the field across from the Best Buy around noon. Please join me if you're up for it. It's bound to be loads of fun.*

*I really won't be there at noon, so don't bother going. Hell, I'll be surprised if I'm up at noon...

Coming to the Justice League of America

2007-01-05T14:37:00.000-06:00

As I was perusing videos on youtube, I came across this awesome video. I think any fans of Justice League Unlimited or Coming to America will surely enjoy this clip.

You Know What Really Hurts?

2007-01-04T01:12:00.000-06:00

Getting your ass kicked. And I don't mean getting beat up. I mean literally having some kick you square in the ass. It's quite painful.

Seriously.

Ow.

Obey Your Thirst

2007-01-03T22:23:00.000-06:00

We live in a society where one can easily use their celebrity (or pseudo-celebrity) status to help some company hawk their cheesy wares by appearing in some sort of commercial advertisement. Usually this is the result of some desperate attempt by the company to increase the interest of the certain demographic. But sometimes the blame for such an occasion can be placed merely on a lapse of judgment on the behalf of the individual starring in the ad.

Seriously, I didn't see this one coming.

So the next time you take a sip of an ice-cold, refreshing, lemony-lime Sprite, I hope you choke (insert dramatic pause here) just a little bit.

God I Love India

2007-01-02T16:20:00.000-06:00

In the past couple months, I've been introduced to "Golimar" (Indian Thriller to you and me) and this Indian Midget, who, according to my expert opinion, must have pimpness shooting out of his asshole. Thanks to the internet and my love of it's use, I stumbled upon this little gem.

That's right, Indian Superman.

Honestly, I don't even know what to say. I guess you can say it starts out normally,. Superman is flying through the city with a girl in his arms, nothing strange about that. When we think of Superman, we all have images of Christopher Reeve flying through Metropolis with Margot Kidder.

At least that's how I remember it. Ok, whatever, back to Indian Superman. So he's flying through the city with some girl. Problem is, instead of wearing a business suit or Clark Kent's shirt ala Superman II, Indian Lois Lane is sporting a Spider-Man costume. WHY THE HELL IS SHE WEARING A SPIDER-MAN COSTUME!!! Honestly, it doesn't even make sense. My geek side is screaming 1) Spider-Man is not a girl, and 2) they aren't even from the same universe. Superman is DC, Spider-Man is Marvel, end of story. Obviously, I think the latter is more important than the former (if Indian Superman is gay, that's his business, not mine).

I guess that's the only thing that really grinds my gears. I could talk about their dance* that takes place in the middle of the sky, but the video was filmed in India, everyone dances in India. Seriously, dancing in a Bollywood movie is like a rite of passage in their culture.

I would like to give them some props though. They used a pretty slick movie-making technique (at least for the 1980s) to avoid thick black lines appearing around the actors when in front of a green screen. It worked Empire**, so I guess they thought it could work here. Too bad they thought wrong. I'm pretty sure Superman isn't wearing magical underoos, allowing to the viewers to get a crotch-eye view of Metropolis.

Oh well, enjoy the video, it's actually so bad it's good.

*Check out the 1 minute mark if you want to see some sick moves.
** For those of you that don't know, George Lucas lowered to opacity of some of the shots in The Empire Strikes Back to make it less apparent that he was filming in front of a green screen, resulting in at least one see-thru snow speeder cockpit

Happy New Years!

2007-01-01T03:31:00.000-06:00

Plan 9 From Outer Space

2006-12-31T00:44:00.000-06:00

I'm currently battling my way through what could possibly be the worst movie of all time, Plan 9 From Outer Space. It's so bad I think I actually like it. Here's the full movie, but watch at your own risk, your brain might melt and ooze out your ear in the process.

Simply a Test

2006-12-29T03:27:00.000-06:00

Well here I am typing out a post on my cousin's Wii. Everything seems cool so far but it's a bit too much to make a habit out of it. We'll see how often I do this when I get my own Wii. Peace and love people.